Modern Marauders (Jily fanfic)(Completed)

10) Whispers

There was a creak as I stepped into the boy's dormitory. Merlin's bloody arse, what the hell am I doing in here? I don't belong here! Dear Merlin, was that a pair of boxers on the floor? Oh my gosh, Lily, what are you doing? I wondered to myself, yet still urging myself into the dark room.

Marlene wasn't in here. Why would she be in here? Why was I looking for her? Merlin's beard, I need to get out before I get caught! But where's Marlene? Maybe I'll just check to see if Sirius is in here and then go. I've got to go! A few more steps would take me to the dorm of Potter, Black, Lupin, and Petigrew, according to the labeled door before me. I had only been in there once before, but that's a completely different story. It wasn't dark and it certainly wasn't secretly. After a few deep breaths, a quickly opened the door.

"I'm so sorry, Mar," there was a rough whisper. Sirius Black, what the bloody hell was he doing to my best friend?

"No, it's not your fault." Marlene was arguing and trying to be levelheaded, but I could hear her hushed voice tremble. "You can't help who you can and can't love. Just... can you tell me one this?"

Sirius was hesitant. "What is it?"

I took a step forward and there was a creak. The silhouettes of two heads turned in my direction. I held my breath and squeezed my eyes shut, as if it would help.

"Wind," Sirius suggested, bringing Marlene's attention back to him. "What do you want to know?"

"Is it Remus?" Marlene asked swiftly. Sirius paused. "It is Remus, isn't it? You love him, Sirius."

This was obviously what Sirius had been trying to avoid. "Yeah. I think I do. Marlene, it isn't right! I tried, I forced myself to love you but he was always in the back of my mind and I didn't know why. It's not natural. Love doesn't work that way. How can I love him? And I keep thinking, what would my family say? Gryffindor and g-g-g... homo? I can't even say the word. It sounds like a soap opera. I kept feeling so confused, Marlene. The way I was feeling, the way I have always felt, never seemed to be possible. I couldn't be... that way. I was normal Sirius who was like everyone else, but I'm not! And I think it was even worse that I fell for one of my best friends, it was just so much harder. Nature doesn't work like this, Marlene!" I could see his fists balled in the darkness. Someone rolled over in their bed. Sirius froze and quieted his tone. "No one is supposed to feel the way I do. It's a new concept, completely foreign. Ever since I was little, I knew I wasn't supposed to feel the way I do. When I told my family about my thoughts, they hated me. My father said I was wrong, he couldn't have a fag for a son. I tried to tell them I wasn't g- heh. Still can't say it. They kicked me out, you know. I live with James now. Why am I still talking? Why am I telling you this?"

"It's okay, Sirius," Marlene said. I saw her reach up to touch his hair, but more motherly than romantically. "Everything is okay. You needed to get that out."

"It's not okay."

"It is. Sirius, gay is okay. Don't be afraid to say it. You're okay. This is natural. Sure, you wont be like other guys, but you don't need to be. And I think you should talk to Remus. He thinks about you, too."

Merlin's beard, what was I doing here? I shouldn't have been here. I should have ran when I heard Marlene's voice. I didn't need to know this. I didn't have the permission to know this! Merlin's beard, I was such an awful friend. Now was the time to make my escape. Holding my breath again, I slid out the door, sprinted down the stairs, back up the opposite staircase to the girl's dormitory, and leaped into bed before Marlene could get back.

"Did you find her?" Alice whispered, rolling over to face me.

"Nope." The lie came easy.

"McGonogal probably found her first. Ugh! I'm going to sleep. Night, Lily."

I waited until she fell asleep before deciding to get up again. Sleeping wasn't getting any easier.

Carefully, I crept back down into the common room and made myself cozy with the big chair and my herbology textbook by the fire. There was an exam tomorrow, and I wasn't going to let it be my first failure.

Authors Note:

... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

love you! Sorry for the short chapter!