The Big Book of Bad Advice

People to Stay Away From

Bad advice #32:

There are many scary people in this world. Because of this fact, it's important to be informed on the warning signs; the warning signs of who you should avoid.

People who have those weird fuzzy pom poms on their backpacks.

What is the point of these? Clearly these are for catching dust and allowing bacteria to grow, for the purpose of spreading a plague. Or... a virus.

People who have clocks or watches that don't have numbers on them.

These people clearly care more about style than accuracy or objective truth. If you ask them for the time, they will never say "I dunno." They'll pretend like they can give you the exact time and make you late for class. Don't these people understand that you can only read one sig fig past a marked line? And even that is a guess and known to be inaccurate.

People who own sports shoes (running, basketball, etc.) that are perfectly clean. 

These people are poseurs. Why wear a sports shoe if you aren't going to use it how it is supposed to be used? Get them dirty! This ain't church, where you have to make sure your high heels don't get scuffed.

People who have multiple ear/body piercings.

These people are hiding something. Something they don't want the metal detectors to see. They walk right through, and when the beeper goes off they point to their ears. Sure! I'm not stealing a library book!

People who wear the faces of other people on their shirts.

Why would you do this? This is class A weirdness. Especially if it's a boy wearing a naked woman on his shirt. Boys who do that confuse me. Do they want to be a walking porn magazine? And if so, for who? Other guys? Do they want to attract lesbians? Either way, they're certainly not attracting me or anyone with a brain in his or her head.

(A/N: This is satire for everything except the last category)