Why Do You Care? | Todoroki Angst, BakuTodo

Chapter 11 - I wish I didn't wake up

Katsuki POV:

It's been 3 days since Sho passed out. Everyone was sad and walking around with worried expressions. He still didn't wake up, which made me realize how exhausted his body was. I was happy he was able to rest but I was more and more worried every day since he still was sleeping. What if he never wakes up? What if he wouldn't accept treatment? What if he wants to break up with me? What if he...I'm sorry Shoto...My worries all faded once I opened the doors to his hospital room. He was awake!

- Shoto! - I smiled, and he turned his head from the widow to me

- Katsuki...I'm so sorry...- he started crying

- No, don't be sorry. I should be sorry! - I hug him

- I'm sorry...

We stayed like that until Shoto stopped crying. I told him that everyone was worried and that I told Deku and the rest about his struggles. He looked scared...I knew why, he hates attention and worrying people. I understand him, I have my problems and also hate when people point out my anger issues. 

- Are you going to accept the treatment? - I ask

- I-I don't know yet...The doctors say I might not have a choice...

- Do you want to get treated? Because if you get treated without your will it can only get worse.

- I...I'm sorry, I don't know...

It was sad. At this point, I would scream my lungs out for help, but he wants to keep going...My heart started to break. I hide my face in my hands and let the tears escape my eyes. 

- I'm sorry - I sob

- What? Why are you crying? Hey, it's okay, it's okay...

We hug again, and then the nurse came, they needed to check Shoto's weight so they can decide whether he can go home or stay at the hospital. I went with him, I told them that since his family is not here someone should be there to support him so they agreed. We go to a room, the doctor was sitting on his chair. 

- Hello, My name is Fujino Minori I'm your doctor. Can you introduce yourself?

- I'm Todoroki Shoto, I'm 17, I study at UA, and...uh, I think that's all

- Okay and the other young man?

- I'm Bakugo Katsuki, I'm 17 and study at UA as well, I'm here to support my boyfriend.

- So you're dating? How nice. Well, I need to weigh you Todoroki-Kun, is that okay?

- Yeah...

Shoto stands up and looks at the scale in the corner of the room. Doctor Fujino points at the scale. He steps at it and waits for a while, dr. Fujino checks the scale and writes it down. 

- Okay, thank you. How tall are you? 

- About 176cm I think 

- Okay, have you ever experienced depressive thoughts not about your weight or food?

- I...

- Be honest Shoto, don't worry I'm here - I smile at him 

- I did...I kinda always did, I also attempted a couple of times...

- Okay, can you tell me why you feel that way?

- I'm sorry...I don't think I can

- It's okay, we'll be meeting each other every week so it'll take some time before you'll open up - he smiled - Well Todoroki-kun I'm sorry but you will have to stay in the hospital for a bit more, your weight is at the risk of death for your height so it's very dangerous for you to go home now. You'll stay here for another 7 days and then we'll decide if you're ready to go back home.

Death risk? Oh my go, my I never got him to help earlier...I'm such a bad boyfriend, right?.. We left the room with Shoto kinda shocked since he was just told he could die. We went back to his room and sat down on the bed. 

- You know I love you, but you have to get better, please...- I put my head on his shoulder

- I know...I'll try I promise - he puts his head over mine - I'm sorry I never meant this to get this far...It's all my fault...

- No it's mine, I should've got you help right after I noticed your symptoms...It's my fault. 

We stay like that for a while, I take Sho's head and kiss his forehead. We then lie down on the bed while kissing. Soon after I fell asleep.

Shoto POV:

Katsuki fell asleep but I couldn't...I kept thinking of what the doctor said and how my boyfriend blames himself for my stupid mental issues. I wish I didn't wake up. I could stay in the peaceful, dream world forever unless I get nightmares, but it'll still be better than this living hell. Something snapped in me a couple of weeks ago, I started to distance myself from everyone and I don't even know why I just did. But now I feel sorry because at the moment I'm hurting everyone, my family, my boyfriend, my friends, I'm a problem to everyone. But it's not worth recovering. I heard stories it's harder and more uncomfortable than it's worth...But it's scaring me since I haven't been that low on weight since middle school. I want to get out...but then I don't I want to stay in this comfortable space I created for myself...If I didn't do what I'm doing I'll kill myself sooner or later. I want to be happy, I want to make Katsuki happy and now I'm just a burden to him, he cried because of me...I don't want him to hurt. I have to get better, at least a bit if not for myslef then for him, for someone who I love. I was think for a while before I fell asleep. Of course this time I had to have a nightmare, so I woke up in the middle of the night, crying.

- Hey, Sho. It's fine everthing is fine calm down. It's okay..-Katsuki says in his calm voice hugging me

- I'm sorry..

- There's nothing for you to be sorry about, want to go for a walk?

- Yeah, that'll be nice...

We went out of the hospital to the backyard, there wasn't anyone there. How nice. I hug Katsuki and he huggs be back. We walked for a while before I felt tierd again and we went back to my room. Both of us fell asleep after our walk.

1061 words