Why Do You Care? | Todoroki Angst, BakuTodo

Chapter 18 - Finding the Point

Sorry for the late Update I had a lot of work this week.

Shoto POV:

I wanna disappear so fucking bad I can't even put it into words. I want to vanish from the world without hurting anyone and not seeing anyone cry. I wanna vanish into a peaceful world of nothingness, darkness, and stars.
I'm currently sitting in my hospital. was night already but I couldn't find any urge to sleep or even close my eyes. I just was there, physically but not mentally. My mind was drifting away from the human world into an amazing daydreaming space. I was happy there, skinny, and had everything I needed - my Katsuki. I miss him already. I want him to be with me here, I want us to fall asleep together and whisper about most stupid things we can think of when we can't sleep. I want to...........die. That thought was so quick and unexpected that I was surprised, but I understand. Watching what I eat all the time, constant lack of motivation and tiredness, feeling cold all the time, crying for no reason, fainting it's all so exhausting I can't stand it, but I keep going, I keep doing this to myself I keep on waiting until I finally feel good enough, but I don't, I never do. I can't do this anymore, I really can't. I remember my mom, we didn't really write letters to each other lately, I was so overwhelmed with studies and my mental health I couldn't find time to meet or even write to her. I think if I ask my doctor I should be able to see her. I want to see her, but at the same time I'm so ashamed of myself, last time she told me I look skinny and tired, now I look even worse I'm scared of what she'll say. I don't want her to worry more than she already worries. I closed my eyes, feeling my head heavier, and finally drifted away into the world of dreams.

The Next Day

Katsuki POV:

I woke up pretty early it was like 5 am but I didn't care I had to go and see Shoto before class. I was extremly worried tonight to the point I didn't sleep even 5h. I wonder what happened, he must have go out and go to the hospital because there would be no one to call his doctor for him but I'm pretty sure he got worse, because otherwaise this dotor shit wouldn't come here. Not that I don't like him, he's helpig my boyfriend so I'm thankful. I quckly got up and dressed up, took some of Shoto's stuff so he won't get boared, school starts today at 9 so I had plenty of time to go and see him. I went down to the common roomgreeting Pikachu who just came back from his night shift at work and run out of the dorms. The hospital was 15 minutes away by a bus so I decided to catch one. After I got there there wasn't many people mainly just nurses and doctors at night shifts, I told a nurse who I want to see and she showed me the way to his room, it was emergency room, he was in a emergency room...Sho what happened...I opened the door to see a lotof people sleeping but one of them was awake, he was awake. I rush towords him almost slipping on the wet floor that was probably just cleaned. 

- Sho, omg you scared the shit out of me when I saw you weren't in our room...What happened? - I asked

- Sorry, I just was very angry and went to cofront dr.Fujito then I passed out in the bathroom.. - he explained

He was looking worse than ever, but it was probably the lighting as well. I look at the little bedtable with an empty plate on a tray. I placed my bad next to the bedtable and sat down on the bed. 

- I'm glad you ate.

- I did, I couldn't stand this anymore and I'm fucking hungry - we laughed

- I hope you'll get better soon

- Yeah..I want to meet my mom...

- I know but you have to stay in here for a while untill you'll get better. I brought some of your stuff, here. - I hand him the bag

- Thank you, I would die here out of boredon if I was just stuck here without anything. 

We talked about diffirent things Shoto explained how he feels about recovery and that he did actually find a point in it, but he was visibly scared he was trembeling and flinched at every sound, I tried to ask why but he avoided the topic and we inished our onversation soon after just aving some cuddles. When it was getting close to 8:30 I decided that it'll be best if I'll leave to school to not get late so said our goodbyes and I went to the bus stop. I sept a bit on the ride to the school buliding but woke up on time. I rushed to class sitting down on my chair. Then stupid Deku showed up.

- Hey Kacchan...I saw you leave early in the morning, did you go visit him? - he asks

- Yeah, I did go to him - I answer

- Is he, somehow okay? 

- He...seems to be worse, but he promised that he want to recover so I'll trust him 

- Okay...I hope to see him soon, I need to talk with him..

- Yeah. Now go away nerd! - I shouted sadly

After class started, Aizawa sensei reviled that Todoroki would need to stay at the hospital for a longer periodof time and asked for help with giving him our notes and informing him about school. Everyone agreed to work together at helping Sho but I was still going to see him everyday no matter what. Even if there will be a winter storm I will still go see him, I promise this to myslef and I'll be waiting for him no matter how long it takes if it's a year or four I'll be with him. I loved him he was my light in the dark, his calming voice a medicine to my anger, his hair a toy for my fingers and his eyes a pleasure for mine, his personality my flower and his love my biggest dream. I truly loved him even tho we didn't get along at first i begun to really like him in 2nd grade and now I'm totally in love, my first true love. We both have our own points in life, for me it's Shoto. I'm glad I'm here with him.

1118 words