Us Against the World

24. It's Hard to Say Goodbye

"...What?" I can't comprehend what she's saying, or maybe I don't want to, it's difficult to decide. Blinking furiously, I incline my body toward the nurse and peer into her eyes, searching her face for any detectable signs of a lie. "She's..."

"Dead," the woman says again with a slow nod. Her cold features have melted the tiniest bit and she regards me with a sad frown. "I'm sorry. Normally, we would have our counselors relay this news, but they've all gone home for the night..."

"It's alright." The top-half of my head has gone numb. There's no sensation that I can feel except for Ezra's slow, rhythmic heartbeat that thumps against my back. "I..." Words fail me.

"Give us a moment, please," Ezra speaks from behind me, coolly assessing the woman. She straightens before him, seeming to notice is presence for the first time. Her eyes narrow.

"Are you family?" She quips.

"I am," Ezra responds confidently. "Please, give my, er, my wife and I a moment."

The nurse hesitates, still glaring at Ezra. Unlike most women, who are instantly enamored with my boyfriend at the mere mention of his name, this women has no reaction whatsoever. Finally, she turns up her nose and struts away, joining the group of doctors that mill around the waiting room.

Once she's out of ear-shot, Ezra comes in front of me and grabs my shoulders, but he doesn't force me to meet his eyes. I feel his stare dig into me, though, and within seconds, I'm raising my head to meet those scrutinizing gray eyes that I fear and admire.

"Meera...talk to me." He sounds desperate, squeezing my shoulders. "Tell me something. How are you feeling?"

"I don't know," I answer, averting my eyes. I study the dark red patterns of the floor. Were those colors always the same or were they caused by the blood from the doctor's scrubs? "Honestly, Ezra, I don't know." My eyes burn. No, don't cry, Meera! "I just...I'm a failure."

"What? Why are you saying that?" Ezra peers under the curtain of hair that tumbles like weeds over my face. "Meera, none of this is your fault. Please, don't blame yourself."

"Stop it with the sympathy!" I snap with a jolt. My lip quivers and my nose twitches. No, don't cry. Don't cry. "Stop telling me please! Stop telling me sorry...please..." I'm begging him, trying to control myself. I've kept my emotions in check my whole life; what makes today any different? Why is this half-empty bottle so heavy? Why is the cork unscrewed? What's all this hot, sizzling air that coils in my gut?

"Meera...sweetheart..." Ezra laces his fingers with mine. His body is over mine in a swift moment, shielding me from the harsh reality that sits behind those big, looming double doors. "Meera..."

"She's gone." It finally strikes me. I've been hit with a bat - no - a bullet. "My mother...my Mum's dead..."

"Um...pardon?" A ruggedly handsome, Australian-accented man cautiously approaches me. "Miss Rajput?"

Taking a shaky breath, I face him, hoping my face isn't too disheveled. Thank goodness I'm a master at hiding my emotions. "Yes?"

"The body will be sent to you for the funeral," he says quietly, almost like he's ashamed to be speaking with me. "We just need you to fill out the birth certificate."

"Okay," I respond. "Can I see my mother first, though?"

"Of course. She's in the morgue right now. Would you like me to take you to her?"

"Yes please...er..." I stop myself when, with a quick glance at the doorway, I see Chandini reenter the room with Felix. She's still pale and red-eyed, but a hint of color has returned to her cheeks regardless. Looking at her, my beautiful, sad little sister, my heart plummets and my tremors return. I can't tell her...I can't do this...I can't...I can't...