• 𝐃𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐌𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲 •

• 10 •

valerie

"You done, Pey? Ima catch pneumonia out here," I softly rattled her stall door.

"Almost," she grunted. "Done." She came out with her wet clothes on her arm. All the extra clothes we had in the vehicle were summer things thankfully, but all this rain had somehow made the weather more chilly.

I didn't like wearing summer clothes.

They were less covering...they were less loose...they were less me. But it was wear my dry clothes or wear my wet ones, so I really didn't have much of a choice.

"I already know where you headed," I called out as Pey went over to the sinks to wash her hands.

She grinned at me.

"Play nice. You know girls never stay with people like us," I told her, a little sadness in my voice.

The toilet next to me flushed and Jadyn came out.

"A little fun wouldn't hurt her. Right?" she said quietly, giving me a little smile that was almost...forgiving.

I'd apologize to them all once I was ready.

No...once I was in dry clothes.

They needed to hear my sorry. But I also needed to hear their thanks. Maybe Jadyn might be better at advising us as a whole. Maybe it's time for me to accept that. And I think now I'm ready to accept that. That's what I'll say.

I closed the stall door and hurriedly got myself into a better condition. Everybody would be proud of me. Such a mature decision to let Jadyn take the lead more. To apologize for this whole situation I had gotten us into off the side of the road.

I felt new and warm inside, knowing that I was taking a step up from my usual behavior. Knowing the positive feedback I would receive. Maybe then I'd be able to find out where I fit in the group at.

Maybe then I'd feel whole...and less useless so much.

I came out the stall, and everybody was already out. I washed my hands and dried them as I left the restroom, that elated to go talk to them. I tossed my brown paper napkin into a trash can by the doors leading outside, spotting the group at a table.

It seemed like in what, fifteen minutes, the McDonald's was less packed in here. I spotted those girls from the bathroom across the sitting area. It didn't look like anybody had ordered yet at our table, so maybe they were all waiting on me.

I came over to them, feeling a little naked in my t-shirt and shorts without my usual hoodie or jacket I'd throw on over myself, and a shaky smile.

"I wanted to talk to you guys."

"Actually...could I say something first?" Jadyn said hesitantly. Milli and her seemed to share a look for a second, like Milli was trying to convey something else that she didn't want to say out loud.

"Go ahead," Pey gestured for her to continue, patting a seat she had pulled out for me around the small, square table with an old napkin left on it crumbled up so much that it looked like dirty origami.

"I think that you have good intentions, Val. You really, really do," Jadyn started, giving me somewhat of a smile. "But tonight more than anything showed how you can't advise any of us- how you can't lead any of us...in certain situations," Jadyn quickly glanced around like those girls would even care enough to eavesdrop all the way across the restaurant at that.

Jadyn was just paranoid like that.

"What are you saying, Jadyn?" I frowned.

What Pey had tried to say earlier today had came into my mind in that moment. Was I being replaced right now? Was I being kicked out of this whole assassin ordeal? What?

"I think I should step up as the person who takes care of us. I'm mature. I'm smart with our finances, organizing things, and I listen to each and every one of you. I even listen to you. I even try to compromise with you, Val. No one here could say I wouldn't make a good leader."

"Everyone but me. A better leader than me," I got up from my seat. "That's what this is about. Nobody thinks I'm cut out for anything. That I'm just here to cause trouble or something."

"I think ever since you relapsed that day that you lost some confidence in yourself and that reflects in the way you irresponsibility lead us. Thinking smart and quick during...missions," Jadyn again glanced over at the table, "Doesn't account for the fact that half the time we're not even on missions. And that's the time when you make some of your worst decisions."

"So you want me to leave? Tonight was a mistake. I can fix it," I pointed at myself, trying to plead my case.

"Some mistakes are too many," Jadyn emphasized.

"We all forgave Milli for goin' overboard. For losin' control. Is it just because she's Milli that we accept that...willingly but blame me?" I argued.

"Nobody favors anybody more than the next person here. We all love each other equally," Jadyn frowned. "I might not show that as easily, but you guys are like sisters for me."

"I saved you," my hands slammed down on the table.

"Saved us...from your mistake. I kept tellin' you to pull over," she stood up, in my face now, "I argue with you about saving up for things. You aren't ready for this and I'm afraid that your mental can't handle being in a position where you're leading others either."

"You can't judge my mental state. You have no idea what goes through my mind," I laughed, "And one person can't determine-

"Val...we agree with her," Milli said quietly.

"Milli?" my mouth fell open.

My eyes darted to Peytyn.

"I've tried to be on your side all this time, Val, but Jadyn's right. This was the icing on the cake," she stared down at her lap.

I nodded to myself.

"I'll leave..."

"Nobody's tellin' you to leave, Val. Just that..."

I walked away before I could hear anything more from Jadyn. I went back to the restroom, swinging the door open and going to the sink as I leaned over it.

A sob escaped my lips and I clamped my hand over my mouth, scanning my eyes at the open space underneath each set of stalls to make sure no one else was in here. I can't cry. I won't cry. I'm not useless. They just don't know my worth. How much good I could do for them all.

Hot tears still continued to run down my face, ignoring my wishes...like the group did. I turned on the water and threw some on my face, trying to keep the tears away. I grabbed a paper towel and ran it's rough material along my skin until my face was dry. I balled it up in my fist, staring at my puffy eyes in the dirty mirror.

Somebody slowly opened the restroom door.

"You okay in here?"

That girl...who I had been staring at.