Appeal Denied

50: In Forma Pauperis

2018-ST PAUL- 50: In Forma Pauperis

June 30, 2018

We board a passenger van, and I smile at each member of the band, truly happy to have them along for whatever outing is planned. After all, these are people with whom Harry spends a great deal of time. I plop myself next to Mitch who is seated with Sarah. Harry climbs into the front passenger seat, and we're off.

"Today we're visiting Project Fierce," Harry announces, and Clare claps her hands excitedly.

"It's a program for LGBTQ youth who are homeless," my boyfriend continues, "Arrangements have been made for us to meet some of the residents."

"That's cool," Sarah comments, "Are they getting the proceeds tonight?"

Harry nods, and I am lost. "Proceeds? Uh? What am I missing?"

Heads swivel to me, and Adam answers, "Harry sells hair ties, and the proceeds go to local charities."

Holy shit. My Butterfly Boy did THAT. My heart swells like one of those magic grow capsules that turns into a sponge when you add water.

"Yeah, and if we have time, we visit. It doesn't always work with our schedule, but Harry was insistent today." Mitch shrugs as if he's exasperated, but his small smile gives away his joy at performing this act of kindness.

Upon our arrival, the teens are thrilled. They clamor for autographs, and CHASM photos are ready for exactly that purpose. Settling happily onto the sofa in the community room, I watch the faces around me. Joy is the emotion most present in the room. Photos are taken; stories exchanged, and I am content basking in the positivity flowing through the room.

"Hi. I'm Alex. My pronouns are he and him," a resident begins, plopping down next to me.

"I'm Van, and mine are she and her. This seems like a nice place," I offer, and he smiles at me.

"Yeah. It's been a lifesaver. It's hard for those who identify with their assigned gender to sometimes understand. When I was in kindergarten, I knew I was a boy. I changed my name to Alex in first grade, and my teacher in second grade was super supportive. In fact, all of the adults in the school were. They accepted me as I am."

"Oh, that's lovely," I commented, curious as to how he ended up at Project Fierce.

"Yeah, but in third grade, my parents decided the 'phase' I was going through needed to end because it didn't fit their idea of the little girl they wanted. They changed schools, and refused to let me wear anything but skirts. Wouldn't let me cut my hair. Told the school I was only to go by my dead name. Life was hell."

My heart breaks for him, and I wait patiently for the rest of his story.

"As soon as I legally could, I changed the rules," he adds fiercely, and I suddenly comprehend the meaning behind the name of the charity home. "Friends brought jeans for me to wear, and I put my hair up in a bun like Harry's. Thank God he was around as a role model for me! I left home and lived on the streets for about a year before I found Project Fierce."

There's nothing but pride in his eyes, and I'm honored to have heard his story. How horrible to be forced to hide the real you because of society's -- or your parent's -- expectations. It's a treat for me to be able to introduce Harry to Alex, and they spend time talking about long hair and buns even though Alex now has a high and tight cut that accentuates his cheekbones.

Before I can meet all of the residents, it is time to leave. I've talked to several of them, though, and their stories will impact my encounters with others in the future. Transitions to adulthood will be easier for these young adults because they've formed relationships in a place where they've been accepted and nurtured. I'm disappointed that I don't work with more homeless teens, and I vow to change that.