I Lost The Stars

Chapter 29

Have you ever been caught in a loop? A loop in your head? What if I add the word 'forbidden' to the list? Thoughts so forbidden, you would never want voice them on your lips.

That night, I was caught in a loop of forbidden thoughts. Against every fiber of my being, my thoughts kept going to the day I had.

No, it was not a bad day. I would go as far as calling it a good day in comparison to the days I was having.

I wanted to hate him. I wanted to hate Ayaan. After what Aarav had told me, I wanted to believe Aarav. But, there is always something about listening to the singular side of a story.

Call me and my heart stupid, but even after everything, I wanted to believe there was good to the devil.

The good I saw today.

Earlier in the day, we had made a picnic out of our food stop.

Ayaan had stopped his car in front of a lake. We sat on his SUV's bonnet and ate in our food in peace. Again, peace, a word I would never associate with him.

The sun was setting and the sky had filled itself with the most gorgeous colors.

We talked about the colors of the sky, the peace of the lake and our travel bucket lists. Mine, Turkey and Greece. His, Masai Mara. Although he had already been there a hundred times and a million places more. I am yet to see the world with my vivid eyes. We talked about food. How although he was mainly on a strict diet, he manages to sneak in a chocolate mousse here and there. Chocolate. Who knows the devil also likes the chocolate.

Talking to him felt easy. It did not require effort. Words came out of our mouths as if we were long lost friends. There is a high. A high compared to none in conversations. I felt that high with him as we laid down on the bonnet of his car looking at the sky.

The time ticked slowly, the wind caressed our faces. The sun was almost set.

For the first time during our conversation, I did the mistake of looking at him. Only to find him staring at me intently. I had tried to take my gaze away from him. But, it was something in his eyes that reeled me in.

It was not his usual blank stare or angry squint. There was a storm in his eyes, but the thing about storms is when you are in the middle of the storms it's hard to think outside of it. The only way is to ride through it.

I don't remember if I had made the first move or him. But, the next thing I know was our lips touching each others.

The kiss wasn't like a touch of air. It was like a storm, just like his eyes. It was exactly the kind of kiss that consumes you in. The kind that knocks your socks off. The kind that would make you touch your lips after it had happened. The kind of kiss that challenges your sanity.

I had felt his rough hands run over the curve of my waist, slightly pushing my top up. My skin still burned at the places he had he had touched me.

I don't know what would have happened if his phone wouldn't have rang. But, thank God it did.

I had jumped off the bonnet almost spraining my ankle because god forbid I had lost all my sanity. I think I have lost all my sanity.

My heart still beat sharply just reminsicing about the kiss.

"The PR company has cancelled the meeting for today." That was all I heard from him next.

The drive back home was eerily silent. We were both reeling from what had just happened. I did not dare to look at him again during the whole ride. I had stumbled out of the car, almost forgetting to thank him.

Now, I am lying down on my bed. Lost in the loop of the devil. Thinking about the kiss. Again and again and again. It surely didn't mean anything. But then why did it feel so good?

My chain of thoughts were broken by dada entering my room.

"Where the hell were you Anatara whole day?" He blasted me with his question. Ouch. He never talks to me like that.

"Dada.." I started to speak but he cut me off.

"We were waiting for you in the court whole day"

"Court?" I asked confused.

"Yes, Antara. Court. We tried your cell, even called for your in your office. We were trying to contact you since morning. You were no where to be found whole day."
He said exasperated. I was in the office in morning. Nobody had reached out to me about it.

"But why?" I said looking for my phone around. Somehow I had totally forgotten about its existence. No idea where it was.

"Aarav's bail got denied. We needed you to sign an affidavit retracting your statement about the attack. That was our one hope getting him out." He said massaging the nerves on his head.

"I asked Aarav if he did it. He said yes dada. He did this. He just didn't think I would be there too." I gulped the lump that formed in my throat.

"Does it matter Antara. You don't want the world to think one day you are kissing a man, planning to marry him and then the next day trying to keep him in the jail, do you?" He said darkly and then instantly regretted seeing the reaction on my face.

"Antu...beta.. I didn't mean it to come like that. I am sorry" He said softly. And then hugged me. "I have just so much pressure on me. This is the reason I left Mumbai. This city has a way of sucking you in and turning your life upside down. I didn't want all this for you." He patted my head lovingly and I closed my eyes trying to find solace in his arms. "It's okay dada." I said.

When I was small, I used to think just hugging him will take all my sorrows away. When I was sick, I used to be that cranky baby always wanting him near me. I used to sleep hugging him thinking I will wake up fine the next morning.

"What will Aarav do now?" I asked still hugging him.

"The Malhotra's have connections. They will figure something out." He said patting my head and then retiring for the night.

My thoughts ran at a million miles per hour when it suddenly clicked. Ayaan had played me again.

Him being extra nice. The sudden PR meeting that gets cancelled. His lawyer in the office. Today, the whole day was just a way to keep me away from everything.

But the kiss, was that a part of his ploy too?