I Lost The Stars

Chapter 21

I was feeling nauseous sitting at my desk. Although, the whispers had stopped after the morning fiasco. I could still feel their piercing gazes on me. Out of all the days, it was only today Kiara had decided to take a leave, to my luck.

To be honest, I wanted to feel a lot of things. But, felt absolutely nothing. My mind was cloudy, with no sunshine in sight. I felt like an overfilled vessel that was filled up to the brim and then tight shut with a lid somehow. I had no space to breath, to think, to feel.

I lived a pretty simple, non dramatic life in Chandigarh. My dad had decided to leave Mumbai when I was almost sixteen and my mum died. He said he could not bear to be in this city where he met the love of his life and moved to Chandigarh, place where my mum grew up.

I missed Mumbai and some people but, I was glad of the change. In Chandigarh, I was not Producer Narayan Sharma's daughter, but, he was Antara's father. I completed my schooling there and then left for University. I was always a bright student, never a brat.

Sometimes, it felt like it has not been just a little over a month but years since I came back to Mumbai. I have been living life in a whirlwind.

'Tring'

'Tring'

The ring of the landline brought me back to reality. I picked it up immediately thinking it might be something important.

'Hello?' There was a one second silence from the other end.

'Hello madam. I am calling from Jiyo Insurance Policy. Our company is offering best insurance term plans with high interest rates. Are you interested?' I almost swore hearing the monotone pitch from the other side.

I swear these cold callers have the best timing in the world. I face palmed my mentally. How do they even manage to get all these numbers and talk in the exact same monotone every time? It is all a big conspiracy.

'No, thank you very much... Goodbye' I cut the call immediately, politely denying him out of courtesy.

The files in front of me taunted me. I was just staring at my laptop for past an hour, doing absolutely nothing. God, help me.

The glass windows enticed me of the beautiful weather outside. Before even my mind started racing towards the topic I was ignoring even in my thoughts- my feet automatically started moving towards the terrace.

I needed fresh air.

The view was breathtaking. It was almost the time of sunset and the sky was painted in the shades of orange, yellow, pink and blue. The slant rays of the sun peeked from the clouds in all directions, outlining them and bringing the phrase 'the silver lining' to life. The sky illuminated as if it was the only door to heaven.

Admist the view, stood a man with one hand on the railing and another smoking clouds of his own with the cigarette in his hand.

I think I knew who he was. My boss.

The white shirt he wore now outlined his figure like any girl's dream. His muscles ripped out of the now rolled up sleeves. I hesitated whether to go or not.

'Can I have one? I asked finally walking up to him. It was unusual but craved one really bad today.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise, but, then offered me one from the box lying down on the railing.

I placed it on my lips while he cupped the other end of the bud and lit it with his lighter. Our eyes met for a moment, and for a moment my brain just wanted to understand what ran behind them, but I was quick to look away.

My lungs filled with strong tobacco as I inhaled and then exhaled the smoke. Although, I was not very fond of the idea of having it, all I could think at the moment was- How can something so bad feel so good sometimes?

No one spoke. I stood at a small distance from him in complete silence.

The only sound one could hear was the waves clashing with the rocks. I took in the beautiful Mumbai sea line in front of me. The blue of the endless sea mixed with the orange of the sunset, creating a mirage of its own. It was surreal.

There was something so serene about the scene that for a minute, I felt peace. Calm.

My eyes drifted to the man beside me for a second and shifted it immediately back to the view, as I caught him staring right back at me. I shifted awkwardly.

Silence. There it was here again. Although, there was one question in my mind that played on the tip of my tongue now.

'How do you do it?'

'I didn't know you smoked.'

We both spoke at the same time.

'Uh..Ar' 'I tried it when I was in college. You know it is a big thing in the uni. I am not fond of it until umm..you know stress' I don't know why I was blabbering all this but I explained it to him.

He just nodded looking back at the sea, puffing another swig in his mouth and we fell into silence again.

'You were asking something' He asked.

'How do you do it?' I hesitated a bit, fidgeting my fingers in a knot. It felt awkward to stand beside him like this, so peacefully with no drama. Even though, we stood at a distance the warmth of his both radiating off him provided me comfort in the evening breeze.

'Do what?' He asked again. His voice was gravely calm yet very sensuous and insistent. Almost in contrast to the sound of the violent waves.

'You know.. Be in the eye of the media all the time. They write so much about you. So many mean things. Uh. How do you keep living with that?' My voice was expectant. Considering we are talking about Ayaan Malhotra, I was not even sure he would answer my question. Or just walk away.

'I don't care what people think about me.' He answered blandly, lighting his second cigarette. How can it be humanely possible for someone to feel this.

'But, doesn't it bother you people commenting on your personal life, judging you without even knowing you? I asked desperately turning towards him while he kept looking ahead.

'It was very early in life that I learnt life is not fair. It is not like a beautiful idealistic novel you just read. People are mean, they are nasty. It is sad and gloomy.' He said tonelessly and although he was an actor, I couldn't find one expression on his face.

I felt almost repulsive hearing what he thought about life. How can someone think so bad about this beautiful world.

'That is so not true. Life is not sad and gloomy, rather it is beautiful. It is the gift of God. Yes, some days are bad, but it does not mean you can ridicule this gift. Novels are the reflections of human beings, their experiences and their imagination. It is not wrong to see the good. People are mean and nasty, but even every villain has a story.' I poured my heart out and was proud of it.

'Great speech. I might use it one of my interviews later on.' He smirked coldly at me as I rolled my eyes at him. I didn't have the energy today to bang my head in the wall.

I threw the almost untouched cigeratte bud on floor and crushed it under my heel. I turned around taking a step to leave, when I felt a warm hand on my elbow.

'But, if the world is so nice. Why are you standing here, hiding from the office, escaping your worries through the smoke. It is your life. You know the truth. If you are being honest with yourself, those people shouldn't effect you.' His voice was calm. Although, his words were meant to comfort me, they unsettled me to no extreme. I felt a pit in my stomach as I felt his words.

'But the real question is Sharma, are you even being honest with yourself?' He continued speaking turning me around, facing towards him. The warmth of his body wearied me now and I just wanted to run away.

'Or little Ms.Perfect Sharma is lying to herself?'