When Two Become One (A Camren Fanfic)

It Couldn't Last Forever

A/N: Imma just put another Trigger Warning here. There shouldn't be many more, but solutions are never a one word fix unfortunately.

Lauren's POV

I don't understand what the hell is going on and i don't want to know... did i really do this? Have i been so blinded by my own ignorance that i caused this rift between my group members and I. Seeing Jessica so hurt - I was there when she auditioned, i watched this beautiful blonde girl walk out in front of those judges like it was no big deal! And now she's a broken shell of her former self, and i helped cause that. Hayley and Vanessa won't even look at me and i can't bring myself to face Catherine, i can feel her gaze burning a hole in the side of my head from across the room but i just can't. Her admission yesterday still running through my mind, it's physically exhausting hearing her words over and over and over and over and over again. I swear i can still hear it like we never left that room, as clear as day and bitter sweet. Why would i trust a word she says, she's threatened me more times than i can count, and never let me forget how pathetic i was for letting her control me. I don't know what's true and what's a lie anymore.

I haven't spoken to Camila or the girls since the prank, and that was a week ago now. My phone keeps going off every five minutes like an alarm set on snooze over and over - except i don't want to wake up. They don't know about the conversation between Catherine and I, they don't know what happened in this very hotel room. And i can talk and joke about it as much as i want, but they'll never know the things I've been through, or how i feel. I don't even know how i feel! Stupid? Confused? Angry? Sometimes i wish time would just stop, but unfortunately we don't always get what we want and wasting away in my bed isn't going to change that. However, my heart and my head have decided that paralysis in the form of sleep is what's best until they figure all of this out. And i have never been so thankful for our flexible schedules, also having access to Fourth Harmonies so we don't accidentally bump into them in the hallway. Neither side has breathed a word to one another ever since i shut everyone out... Maybe that was my fault too.

Daringly , i turned to my bedside table and chanced a look at my phone. As i suspected, there where several missed calls from each of the girls - Mine and Fourth Harmony - as well as a handful of messages, most of which are from Camila. Our second date would've been yesterday. What was i supposed to do? Pretend everything was fine 'Oh hi Camz, yeah i'm great. I definitely did not have a mind fuck of a conversation with my 'ex', and most certainly did not let her kiss me' Yeah...No. That didn't seem particularly inviting. God knows what's going through her head right now. I suppose a peak at one of her messages couldn't hurt, right? Sure. I quickly unlocked the device and tapped on Camila's name which i may have changed. I didn't deserve that winky face, it hurt too much to see it even if i didn't read her messages:

From Camila: 'Lauren Please talk to me...'

'I miss you'

'No one has seen you for days'

'I'm worried. No, scratch that, I'm terrified. I'm scared for you Lauren'

'What happened, please answer your phone'

'Did i hurt you'

'Are you angry with me?'

'I need to know you're okay''

'A word, an emoji, a punctuation mark!'

'Whatever i did i'm sorry'

'We missed our second date...'

'I was really looking forward to it, i thought you were too'

'I just got you in my life Lauren, i'm not ready to let you go'