Painless - House M.D

The wheels on the bus

" Are we going to confront him?" House asked Tara as they entered the cafeteria together.

" No idea. He's your best friend, figure it out." She shrugged " The smell of the coffee here feels disgusting today."

" You're like an annoying extension of me, he's yours too. The coffee here always tasted like mud anyway, that's why I make my own at the office." House reasoned as they sat together.

The pair began to discuss the best way of telling Wilson that they knew he was seeing Amber, barely noticing that the subject of their conversation was approaching.

" Hi." Wilson said as he sat his tray down at their table, making Tara yelp and jump in fright.

" Fuck, Wilson! Are you the freaking Batman speaking on people like that?" Tara asked with a hand over her chest.

" He's not that sneaky." House said with a grin and Tara kicked him under the table "Ouch! You keep asking if the leg's okay and then proceed to mercilessly kick me."

" What's up with you?" Wilson asked the couple, they were acting strange around him for the past week.

" We were talking about cross-species making. You and Cutthroat Bitch are two different species, as in you are an overexcited golden retriever and she's an angry pinscher who bites anything that moves."

" You know?" Wilson asked and Tara nodded " We have a lot more in common than you think."

" You cry over Dark Victory and she's strong and merciless." Tara commented.

" Bette Davis, another strong, assertive woman." Wilson defended.

" You don't go for strong and assertive, you like them needy." House reasoned again.

" Tara, help me here." Wilson asked the head of Surgery who was content with watching them as she sipped her tea calmly.

" He broke the pattern, love, this might actually work." Tara said to House, obviously siding with Wilson "Unlike you, I like Amber and think she's strong enough to put up with Wilson being an emotionally unstable and prone to cheating boyfriend."

" She's the anti-Wilson! She's a force for evil." House shot back.

" I mean, it's clear that it's more than sex, you've noticed he's been acting strange for at least two months." Tara commented.

" He was right about the timeline, though." Wilson couldn't help but agree.

" It's obviously more than sex." House couldn't help but agree.

" He likes her personality. He likes that she's conniving. He likes that she has no regard for consequences. He enjoys that she can humiliate someone if it serves." Tara commented and House widened his eyes " There's nothing wrong with dating someone because of it. I mean, I married a guy who's the same."

Wilson had a look of equal surprise and House was wide-eyed at the realization.

" Oh, my god. You are sleeping with ME." House exclaimed as he hastily got up to leave.

Wilson left his food there and, like House, decided to flee. Tara was left all by herself, peacefully sipping her tea and eating her salad.

" Men." She mumbled before calmly taking a sip of her tea.

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House spent the remainder of the day focusing on his current case and avoiding Wilson, much to Tara's fun as she often passed by his office and Wilson's to annoy both men.