Painless - House M.D

William Hamilton-House

" Good God, this baby won't stop crying." House complained as the loud wailing of a baby irritated him.

" Look at the bright side, we are learning. Lisa needed a babysitter and we needed a guinea pig to test our unknown and very limited parenting skills." Tara commented.

" You are 42 weeks pregnant, at this rate, if you close your legs a little bit harder, our kid will be born with a mustache and a family of 4." House joked and Tara playfully punched his arm.

" I calmed her down." Tara said in awe at the baby, " Rachel, sorry I called you ugly when I met you, you are a pretty princess now that you aren't malnourished and now that your Foster mom isn't a crackhead anymore."

" Cuddy is a better mom than a crackwhore, who would have thought." House mumbled and Tara punched his arm playfully, " Let me feed her, you have tits and I am the one supposed to manage the bottles."

" Oh, and she's got a full diaper of shit with your name on it." Tara said with a grin after House held the baby. Laughing at his face after he was able to smell the baby.

" We are alternating diaper duty."

" I'm number 1, you're number 2. I get pee and you get the shit." Tara negotiated, " And I'll push the kid out, Greg, my vagina and uterus will be a bleeding mess for weeks, and you'll be the only one on diaper duty for a while."

" It's easy when they are so little." House said as the baby finished eating, he gently picked her up to burp the baby.

" You say that now but ours is obviously going to be more annoying. It's your son after all." Tara commented and House rolled his eyes with a small smile.

Tara watched in awe at how gentle he was with the baby, he managed to change her dirty diaper in less than 3 minutes. The baby didn't even fuss or complain, just sat there watching him clean her up. House tickled her belly and she shot him a toothless smile.

" I want ours here before he graduates in your uterus." House admitted as he tried to burp Rachel.

" Me too. I'm a curious person, I can't help but keep guessing how he looks like."

" I bet you 100 that he's blond with green eyes like you."

" Bite your tongue! He is a brunette with blue eyes like you. He can't be blond." Tara shot back, " Blond boys are jocks and players, no way my son will be a jock."

" My mother is blonde, you are blonde, your biological parents are blond. Your aunt is brunette so there's some brunette on your side and mine, brunette is dominant so the chances are statistically bigger. But you want him to be a brunette too much, he will turn out blond against the statistics just to spite you, our kid is annoying after all."

" Don't you dare to think so." Tara said and was about to keep on talking when she heard the cute burp from the baby, " She's so adorable. Do you think Liz will come back? We could keep her."

" It was too hard for her to get this one, she'll murder the two of us if we stand in the way of her motherhood." House shot back with a grin, " Plus, we have a better version in the oven, and two babies at the same time is pure and sheer chaos."

" I've read that babies born past their due dates are cuter and bigger."

" But your gestational age is a mere supposition, we have no idea when we conceived, you just showed up pregnant and half-dead after a bus crash." House commented, " But your boobs were hurting a long time before the bus crash."

" Considering they were constantly groped by my dear husband, it's still hard to guess the right day of conception based on this single symptom." Tara said with a smug smirk and House rolled his eyes, " Greg, you made her sleep."