Deepest Desire

39- Two Small Words

~ Sebastian ~

Don't go.

I couldn't tell her that. Two words. How difficult could it be for one to say it? Not at all. Two. Small. Words.

After a devilishly long time, I caught a glimpse of my abyss last night. She was not next to me and I found myself at home.

Without her, I felt like myself. Who I used to be, who I should be.

Back to where there was pitch darkness everywhere. I was laying there, staring into nothing last night, feeling the blood I spilled.

But, It didn't feel warm.

The belonging was absent. For the past few months, her voice had been echoing mixed with mine and now I couldn't hear her, calling me, talking to me.

I want her voice.

That's where it felt homely.

"Boss."

Her talks, her cries, her laugh, her fear, anything but her voice.

I guess that's why I show mercy towards Eileen because I can't hear anyone in the first place but I heard her. How can I be merciful when a begging won't reach me? When I couldn't understand what they said?

Yet, I heard her.

"Boss?"

Is she weakening me? No, no, I won't let her. I would take her breaths away if she dared to do this.

"Boss?! Are you listening?" I dragged out from my abysmal thoughts, coming back to reality from my labyrinth, looking up at Jacob.

"Huh? What?" Blinking, I tried to focus on what he said but I was too lost in my thoughts. He sighed at my lack of attention and repeated.

"I said Asad is coming along with Sir Ruben. Should I send both of them back or not?" He asked, knowing how much I resented it when Ruben came with Asad but I had to bear with them.

"No, leave them be for now. I have to bear with him now." Ruben is already coming back after a year. I don't want to provide him a further reason to not pay a visit anymore by sending him back.

He nodded but didn't leave which made me arch an eyebrow at him, waiting for him to say something.

"Sir, if I may?" He asked hesitantly, unsure what to speak.

"Hmm, what?" I hummed, lowering my head, rubbing my temples, closing my eyes briefly.

"Are you okay? You're acting strangely for a few days." He asked tentatively, worried about my response but I understood his concern.

"What do you mean?" I asked, not bothering to look at him and continued to rub my temples to ease my headache. I shouldn't have sent Eileen away.

Should I call her? Why would she attend my call?

"Either you're too aggressive or completely zoned out. Is everything alright?" Jacob asked worriedly because I had never been like this, I was a man of pure bloodlust.

My life revolved around blood, death, gore but ever since I married her, my rhythm had been disrupted.

Or maybe because I have no experience on how to deal with a woman in the first place.

"Your Madam has mentally disturbed me." I finally told Jacob what had managed to imprison in my abyss. How did she do it in the first place?

"This is the first time I am hearing someone has affected you." He said, astounded to no extent. Thinking he heard me wrong but I continued with an exhale, looking back at him.