Deepest Desire

55- Breaking Her Heart

~ Sebastian ~

I was angry at myself, hating myself in fact for the display of weakness from my side. Being the one who held power strong enough to reign over fears- I felt powerless now.

All because of Eileen.

What she was doing to me was weakening me and by all means, I couldn't allow it.

I was in the room, sleep deprived, staring at the ceiling while I had switched off my phone, ignoring all her calls, lost in unwanted thoughts.

Her voice was intoxicating me, I didn't want that.
Her voice was tempting me, I didn't want that.
Her voice was manipulating me, I didn't want that.

I want nothing from her voice.

Exhaling my frustration, I grabbed my phone, turned it on again, finding many text and voice notes from Eileen.

With a frown, I opened the recent one, ignoring all others.

"Hey, Have you reached yet? Are you tired?..." I am. Of you.

"You said you will wait for my call- did you?..." Unfortunately, I did.

"Call me back when you have time." I won't.

"Also, Asad dropped me at my home, don't be angry about it please. Sorry... Take care."

A frown came to my lips when I heard it, scowling under my breath to know she engaged with him when I specifically ordered her not to.

"Damn, that woman."

Distressed, enraged, I called Eileen finally. She picked my call immediately but she was clearly not happy at my lack of attention towards her.

"Hello? Are you still awake? Isn't it like twelve am?" She asked vaguely, tone saddened.

"Why do you always do what I forbid you to?" I asked coldly, not parting my exhausted eyes from the ceiling.

"Among all my messages, that two second talk mattered the most? Nothing else?" Her tone laced in sadness came but I didn't know how to tell her that I want distance from her-

But, my heart didn't want them either.

"Don't play with me, Eileen, we both know you brought Asad in this to get my attention." I replied in a low but infuriated voice.

"Obviously I would when you wouldn't give me. You said you will wait for my call, did you?" She sighed, sorrow and disappointment was clear in her resonance.

"I was busy." I reasoned, muttering under my breath.

"One text. Heck, one voice note, Sebastian. Why do you do this?" She snapped for a second but sighed in the end. I didn't intend to but I needed time to flash time on myself. On what I had become because of her.

"Do what? I told you I was busy." I snapped too and stopped with a sigh like her in the end, knowing it might hurt her and it did.

"Wherever you go away, you just go away from me too." She whispered, making my heart skip a beat. I didn't intend to bring them.

But, I know these distances are my fault.

"Am I disturbing you?" No. Eileen asked sorrowfully, making my heart clench because I didn't want to make her feel this way.

Exhaling, I began to tell her what I had been feeling by being in her vicinity, "Eileen, I don't like what you make me feel, what you unintentionally make me do. I don't like hearing your voices."