Deepest Desire

62- The Start

 "And this is how it all started and here we are...."

1 Week Later

Life felt like a blur, everything felt heavy and unwanted, my mind was wandering, I couldn't fathom my actions or perceptions anymore.

Everything felt empty, I didn't know what to do anymore, it felt like I had stopped on an abysmal path and everything around me was nothing but pure darkness.

It was so unbearable.

Exhaling, I was at the seashore, staring at the passing waves with devoid eyes. Sebastian went to work and being alone at home was suffocating me so I came here to indulge in the passing waves until a voice called me from behind, breaking my rhythm.

"Hey." Turning my head, I saw Asad there with a feeble smile, hands resting in his pockets with a mysterious look which perplexed me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, wrapping my arms around my sides, exhaling deeply and turning my head away. My jaw clenched to remember Sebastian truly didn't trust me and on what basis-

I didn't know.

"I was asked to check up on you." He replied calmly, standing next to me with his eyes affixed on my void features.

"Ruben, was it?" I sighed, no having another option to wonder who else could ask him to do that.

"What are you thinking here? All alone? So far from home? Where is your Sebastian?" He asked, ignoring my question, turning towards the sea as well.

"He is at work, I told him to stay and let his scar heal but to no avail. He just went." I exhaled, not looking back at him, the water was lull-providing.

"I see. But you shouldn't have come so far." He said, almost concerned but I exhaled because I asked Sebastian before coming here as well.

"You don't have to be vexed about it. Sebastian told me I can go." I replied impassively as he hummed. We both stood there in silence, staring at the sight before us.

The lack of words were comforting, the silence was peaceful as I desired that peace to reach my core too. I needed it badly.

Exhaling after a prolonged silence, Asad turned to me slowly, "Eileen."

I gradually lifted my gaze and met his, he was distressed slightly followed by another expression I was unable to encrypt.

"I know there must be countless emotions stacked in your chest, confusion and worry. Everything must be in a blur, right?" He asked tenderly, emitting a momentary compassion which bewildered me.

He was not amusing, he was serious.

"It is. I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know what I should tell him. I am afraid." I nodded feebly, biting the inside of my cheek, wondering what happened to him.

"It's natural to feel this way when countless emotions strike you at once." He whispered, curling his lips upwards, turning to me, enhancing my confusion at his mien.

"I didn't know what to do. I don't want to lose him and by each passing second, it feels like I am losing him." But, not complaining, I told him what swirl my mind was going through, rendering me unable to grasp my cognition.

"It's going to be alright, My Lady." He smiled, taking a step closer to reassure me but none of his words could fix or help the point I was standing on.

"That's the problem, nothing is going to be alright!" I snapped, taking my fury at him, curling my hands in a fist.

My voice raised but inhaling my fury, I paused, folding my arms and turning my head away, "I will lose everything before I will realize it. Nothing is going to be fixed." I muttered.