Don't Let Me Go [H.S.]

Chapter 33

TW: talk of drug addiction.

Please take care of yourself my loves 🤍

January 2nd 2018

I look out the window next to me as I see the sun start to come up and then I look back down at the tiny little baby in my arms. The radio is playing quietly in the background.

Since I got to the hospital yesterday I haven't been able to stop crying.

It only got worse once I met my little boy and he looked just like his dad. His dad that he'll never know.

But being here with him now only solidifies the decision I made. This little baby is my whole world and I would do anything to make sure he has the safest, happiest life I can give him.

One of the nurses, her name is Susan, walks in and greets me as she starts checking things around the room.

The current song ends and then I hear a very familiar sounding piano at the beginning of the next song. Chills run up my arms and I feel frozen.

"Oh hey! I love this song." Susan says causing me to break out of the trance I was put in. 

I smile at her and nod, unable to say much more than "yeah" as I stare back out the window.

"Did you know this kid was in that boyband, One Direction I think it is?"

I take a deep breath. I can do this. I'm going to have to do this for the rest of my life. I just have to put on a fake smile and pretend that I'm not still deeply in love and heartbroken over one of the most famous boys in the world. I just have to keep pretending that it's not his baby that's currently in my arms. "Yeah, One Direction. I used to be a huge fan." Not a lie.

"Yeah, my niece is obsessed so she just got me into this song. It's really so beautiful. Do you know what it's about?"

A memory flashes in my head of the first time Harry played it for me. I sobbed from the minute the piano started and didn't stop for about 30 minutes. I cried even harder once he explained the meaning behind it.

I shake my head. "No, I don't know."

"It makes me teary just thinking about it. It's about a mother being told she has 5 minutes to live after giving birth to her baby-" She pauses and looks shocked at herself. "I'm so sorry, I realize I probably shouldn't be talking about this right now."

I wave her off and give her a smile "It's okay, you can go on."

"Well basically the song is her telling her child to keep going no matter how hard life gets. I just think its so beautiful. And man is he talented."

"Yeah he is."I say quietly.

"Okay well I am all finished, I'll come back to check on you in a little bit." She says with a smile.

As she walks out I feel a tear slip down my cheek and wipe it away with my finger.

Lauren had been here since I got to the hospital yesterday so I sent her home to get some sleep after a lot of convincing.

My mom also went back home because we weren't anticipating this little guys arrival just yet and his room wasn't finished, so she's finishing it up for me.

I hear a knock on the door and look up to see Milo standing in the doorway.

"Hey Mi" I say quietly and realize just how awful my voice sounds. It's very apparent I've done nothing but cry for the last 12 hours.

"Are you up for a visitor?"

I smile softly at him "of course we are. Come meet your nephew."

He slowly walks over and stops next to the bed and then leans down "wow, I can't believe he's real."