"What do you mean about... Boyfriend na tinutukoy ni Ash?" Sumentro ang katanungan na iyon sa isip ko.
[Yeah, nagkakwetuhan kami kagabi and sinabi niya na may boyfriend na daw siya. Pero hind niya sinabi yung pangalan. I just figure it out while she is sleeping, she keeps calling your name kasi. 'Yvo'. ]
That's when I confirmed that she likes me too.
Sa sobrang kilig ko pa ay hindi ko magawang magpakita sa kaniya, sakto din naman na medyo naging busy ako sa school. Pero agad din akong naguilty nung makita ko siya sa labas ng campus namin. She wants to see me kaya pagkatapos na pagkatapos ng pasok nila ay dumiretso siya dito with something she baked.
We cleared the misunderstanding and talk about what happened deeper.
'And I officially got her.'
'She is finally mine.'
We are doing so good. Really good each day we spent time together.
Its just what I thought. I thought I already know everything about her, I thought I can read her with just one glance. But no.
She's hiding something painful and I didn't even notice it. She's having a hard time and I... I'm so fucking useless. Ang tanga-tanga ko.
Binalewala ko pa siya nung panahong pinakilala niya saakin yung kapatid niya. Naalala kona siya rin yung babaeng tumawag kay Ash nung nasa paris pa.
Ash said no. But I did the opposite.
Iisa lang kasi yung nasa utak ko non. I wanna talk to her sister, I wanna asked her for help to surprise my girlfriend, although I said na friends lang kami ni Ash. Today is the day kasi na lalabas yung result ng examination nila, and whatever the outcome is I wanna celebrate it with her. I want to make her feel proud, special, and love.
But the time I came to her condo, she's gone.
Ayaw niya rin sabihin saakin kung nasaan siya. Kaya hinintay ko nalang ang umaga nang masilayan siyang muli. Ngunit hindi din naging ganon kaganda ang kinalabasan non. We had our argument while her nose is bleeding.
"Pwede bang ako naman? Ako naman, Yvo please... Choose me, Yvo. I'm begging you, please... !" That hit me.
'What have I done?' I asked myself. How could I make her beg for me? How could I make her feel like something is not enough to the point that she is begging now? How could I make her anxious?
"W-what... I dont understand... Bakit ka magseselos, alam mo namang ikaw ang gusto ko?" nonsense. Huli na ng marealize ko ang mga pinagsasabi ko. This doesn't even give assurance.
"Parang ayaw mona kasi saakin simula nung nagka-usap kayo!" That is not true, baby...
"That's not true!" Why did I shout?
"That's how I feel!"
fuck.
Nag self reflection ako pag-uwi ko ng bahay nung araw na iyon. I write down and memories the important things I need to be much better boyfriend.
I even bought a ring along with her favorite flower.
A beautiful ring that I know would perfectly fit in her. Babagay din ito sa ganda niya, so I imagined putting this ring on her hand. That's what I was hoping to happen.
Not this...
"I can't accept this." She hand me the ring back. "I advise you to change your plans habang maaga pa, Yvo. Because I can't be with you anymore."
"What are you saying? I dont understand you." Nagpanic ako. She even started crying.
"Kaya kita pinapunta dito kasi I want to end things between us."
Bullshit. This is just a dream isn't it? Or a prank was it?
"No... No way... Y-you're joking, right?"
"I am not... Yvo, itigil na natin to." Her voice is cracking from crying. I feel like I want to cry too. This is much worst than the last time we met and here I thought I can make things better.
I begged her to take her words back. To say that she didn't mean it. I really wish for that words to come out of her mouth.
Can you imagine a tower made of cards? You try hard to build it but just one pass of air and it all fell down. It's fucking devastating.
So I burn my lungs out since that day. Buti nalang at bakasyon, hindi ko kailangan pumasok sa school ng lasing palagi. Baka nga ay hindi pa ako makapasok. I got wasted. But that's what gives me confidence and strength to always message Ash or even come to her place. I miss her so fucking much, sometime I wanna destroy that guddamn door and just...
I badly wanna see her.
And its hurt so much.
Lalo na nung akala ko handa na ulit siyang makaharap ako, handa na siyang pagbuksan ako muli ng pinto. Halos gustong sumabog sa tuwa yung puso ko nung tinawag niya akong...
"Yvo, my beloved..."
Kaya sabi ko sa sarili there's still a way. We can still fix this and be back to normal. Us that is always happy to be together.
Pero unti-unti ding nabasag iyon ng may maramdaman akong kakaiba sa kaniya. Her voice is hoarse and she is not breathing properly. That's when my hopes tured into a trauma.
I heard a loud thud inside. Kasabay non ang pagkalaglag ng puso ko. I got all panic so sinubukan kong sirain ang pinto niya sa paraan ng pagsipa or pagtutulak dito. But its all useless kaya tumawag na ako ng kung sino, ang nakakainis lang is kailangan ko pang i explaine sa kanila ang nangyayari bago buksan ang pinto. Yes I understand kailangan non, for security. Pero kelangan ko din si Ash, its an emergency for me.
Kaya pagka bukas ng pinto ay hindi rin agad ako tuluyang nakapasok. Napahinto kasi ako ng matagpuan si Ash na walang malay sa sahig. Her nose is bleeding again, her skin is pale and I can see her body turned all skinn now.
"Tabi! Tumabi kayo!" Maingat kong binuhat si Ash at tinabig ang mga humaharang-harang sa daan.
Dali-dali akong pumunta sa kotse ko at doon siya nilagay, mabilis ang pagmamaneho ko tungong hospital pero hindi ko naman kinakalimutan na maging maingat. Ramdam na ramdam ko yung kabig ng dibdib ko, para akong huhugutan ng kaluluwa.
