when they call my name

ch. 24

alexandria black

I don't hate myself for letting it happen, more just of allowing my guard down and the vulnerability to seep through the cracks. Being vulnerable is such a complex and upsetting emotion that we as humans are almost trained to hate it.

When you're a child, it's easier to be ashamed of it. As an adult, you learn to hide it behind a stronger mask. Like holding your breath long enough to feel the pressure but finding the pressure satisfying.

I am way too vulnerable in the front seat of Landon's car. The hospital offered me a pair of sweatpants for the ride home and the t-shirt I arrived in.

I couldn't bear the idea of being alone with Christian again. He took advantage of my vulnerability and used it against me. He told me he'd collect me in the morning, but I made sure Landon came and got me out first.

Is this how it's always been? A man so close in respects to the devil and a demon stalking me as if I am some sort of prey.

Stepping out into the brisk morning air, I watch the clouds make their way through the gray sky and a sliver of sunlight blinds. This must be some sort of joke being played on me – as if God is playing poker with the devil. Shuffling through the cards and dividing up the chips of who gets to be the puppeteer of my life.

I'm angry. I'm angry at Eddie abandoning me, at Chloe for being so stuck up. I'm even mad at my mother, for leaving me to pick up her pieces.

Most of all, I'm angry at myself. I should have kept my mouth and my legs shut, but instead I had to seek the thrill of whiskey. I had to turn from God and run the complete opposite direction.

I'd give anything to go back to the day I met Christian, but perhaps this is all some twisted game of fate.

Landon parks his car next to mine, and without another word carries my hospital bag and follows me up the stairs to my apartment. I unlock the door and stumble through. On a normal day, I'd be walking into comforts embrace and feel the warmth and safety within these walls. Eddie would be in the kitchen with something delicious on the stove.

God, I'd give anything for that again.

"Should I just set this here?" Landon asks, bringing me to reality.

I turn. "Hm? Yeah, that's fine." I notice my phone on the island counter, screen slightly cracked and a pile of bills beside it. That's when I truly take notice of the cleanliness of the apartment and a candle burning somewhere.

When Landon sits himself on the couch and propping his feet up, I almost ask him if anyone has been coming in during the weeks I've been gone.

On the other side of the door, there's heavy footsteps and then a thud. "Goddammit." The voice on the other side is so close, I can hear it clearly.

I look over at Landon before making my way to the door, unlocking it and swinging it wide open. Standing on my doormat is Christian, his wallet in his mouth, key in between his fingers, and in his other hand is a bouquet of flowers and what looks like a McDonalds bag.

"What're you doing here?" I ask, forcing the cowardness out of my tone. I am not afraid of him by any means, more just afraid of his intentions.

He holds up the brown paper bag and flowers. He muffles something I cant comprehend.

I take the wallet out of his mouth and stare at him in confusion. "Seriously?"

He shrugs. "I went to the hospital, but the nurse said you had already left. I thought I was bringing you home?"

"Chris?" Landon stands behind me, one hand resting on my lower back. The moment I feel his hand touch my skin, my eyes widen.

I can tell how hard Christian is trying to keep his composure, the tattoo reaching to his neck threading a vein.