when they call my name

ch. 26

alexandria black

-

I make hard contact with the hardwood floor when Christian releases me. My throat is hoarse and burning in my skin as if I swallowed a match and whiskey at the same time.

Here on the floor, silently begging for God to just take me. I've messed up so much and have just allowed the devil and sin of this world to consume my thoughts. I'm not the same woman I am before I met Christian, and I don't think I ever will be.

Ever since Christian has stormed into my life, there was only a window of possibility for something sweet. Something, perhaps, thoughtful, and happy. Maybe in another life, Johnny and I are meant to be kind to each other, and not torment the other's soul. Maybe there's a universe where we never meet - I would love to be in that world instead of this one.

"What have I done?" Christian mutters to himself. I can't see him in my line of sight, and for that, I am just a little bit grateful. "Fuck, what have I done?"

He falls to the ground beside me, but I can barely understand why. Why he feels such remorse and guilt... manipulated me into believing that it was just an accident. He accidentally choked me, he accidentally tried to kill me.

He accidentally tried to isolate me.

I accidentally fell for all of it.

"Alex... sweetheart, I am so-"

"Don't." I interrupt as the words are complicated to get out. "Get. Out."

"Baby, I-"

"I SAID GET OUT!" I scream, and then nearly scream in pain with my throat. I swear there could be some bruising after this. The tears are so hard to hold in, but I cannot let him see me cry. It's too vulnerable, and the devil already has seen too much of that. Like a predator to its prey.

He reaches for me, but I push away until my back is up against the door. He doesn't try to reach for me again, but the contemplation on his face makes me believe otherwise.

Neither of us speaks. He doesn't try to convince me of his mistakes, and I don't cry for him. The silence and distance drive me insane, and I want to cry. I want to curl into a ball and disappear into the doormat.

"I love you." Christian's voice is soft.

I look up through wet lashes. My heart stops beating. "W-What did you say?"

As if he's surprised himself, he repeats himself. "I love you, Alexandria."

I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

"I hate you." I'm able to say, shaking while I try my best to sit up some more.

He shakes his head. "I don't believe you, Alexandria."

"You should." My heart doesn't even break when I speak the truth. "None of it was real. Every kiss, every smile, every single goddamn memory was a facade."

He shakes his head again. "I am not going anywhere, Alexandria. I need you every second of the day and you need me. I am in need of you every day that it makes me want to pull my fucking hair out. Deny me all you want. I am yours and you are mine."

"I don't need or want anything from you ever again." I lie straight through my teeth. Of course, I want him. I don't need him to be happy, but I want to. I want to need him.

Beg him to stay.

Antares's deal.

Beg him to say it again.

Break his fucking cold, black heart.

"I made a deal," I tell him the truth. "With Antares."

He looks straight into my eyes, possibly searching for a lie. "What are you talking about?"

Do it. Keep going. Break his heart and you are free from your mother's mistakes.

"Break your heart in exchange for my freedom," I say before it's too late.

"Freedom from what?" He presses on, reaching for my hand again.

I pull back. "From my mother's deal..." I hold in a breath.

The color drains from his face. "Your-Madylynn's deal?"

It takes me a moment to nod. I just want him out of this apartment and out of my life, no matter how desperately I want him to hold me. To feel his touch.

"Your heart in exchange for my freedom." I finish.

His eyes dart to the floor, struggling to find a breath. Finally, he starts, "Do you even know what kind of deal Madylynn even made?"

I pause to think for a minute. I think past the memories of the hospital, the days of bliss, and the nights covered in smoke.

"You... Alexandria Faith Black... are bound to me. Without me, you are nothing more than a ghost. You are tied to me." He explains.

I shake my head. "That doesn't make sense."

"Your mother sold your soul for fucking drugs, Alexandria. Since you were a fucking child, you have been bound to the devil." He informs. "That's why Eddie could never leave you. I have tried to leave you, but your soul is so fucking weak that it can never be alone. You are bound to the devil. For eternity."

Without him, I would be nothing more than another ghost. This was my fate... death by Christian Stone.

BREAK. HIS. HEART.

BREAK. HIS. HEART.

BREAK.

HIS.

FUCKING.

HEART.

"I'd rather die than live another day with you," I admit.

He stares at me as I feel my insides start to turn violently.

"Alex-"

"And I mean it with everything I have, Stone. I'd rather shoot my goddamn brains out than to ever love you. You have been nothing but the death of me, and if this is the cause of my death then at least I did it with pride."

Christian doesn't speak. He can barely move.

Then, to my gut-wrenching surprise, he rises to his feet. He reaches for his keys and stares down at me. Those beautiful blue eyes I once admired only bring me pain. They are only a reminder of what I got myself into.

My own fault. I once sought his attention any way I could get, but now I just want him gone.

"I really hope we meet in another life." His voice is slightly soothing.

He still thinks there is hope for us. For a split second, I consider his words and almost- almost - tell him to stay. To lay on this floor with me and never go back to the real world.

"I will haunt you in all of them. Even in the lives after this one." I don't mean for it to sound any kind of positive, but I did. In some fucked up way, I found some comfort in my words.

Our souls have been bound to each other for millenniums. Since the beginning of day and night, my soul and his have been bound for the rest of life as it is known. For all I know, it could be written in the subtext of the Bible.

And as soon as Christian Stone walks out my front door, I feel the pits of my stomach fill with what could be blood. Or whiskey. Anything dangerous.

This is the part of life where I begin to haunt him for eternity.