when they call my name

ch. 27

christian stone

_

In the weeks following my attempt of nearly killing Alexandria, I've managed to both keep my distance and go insane from it. I should have realized it sooner that I can never be away from her for too long before I start to lose my mind. Her scent, her warmth when she's not angry, her lips, and the way she walks. The way her eyes light up when faced with something so divine, and when they dilate when facing fear.

I am obsessed with every single cell. If it was possible to consume every piece of skin from a person, I'd do it. I want to do it. I know deep down that Alexandria was molded for me, more than just her body.

Her heart and soul are matched alongside mine. I may not believe in soulmates, but whoever created our souls knew what they were doing. Whoever they are cut our souls from the same cloth and sewed us together.

As tempting as it is to turn the car around and convince her that I'm not that insane, I know that I can't. For her own mental sanity and my physical safety, leaving her once and forth all is the only good thing that can come from this. Antares isn't the man she should be fearing... it's me.

That morning, I return to the studio where I find my band waiting for me. Ben pulled me aside and demanded I explain why Landon was threatening to leave the band. For a moment, I considered just letting him walk out. Anyone can be replaced. He's the thorn in the rose, the fly on the wall... God, he's fucking useless.

"Just girl drama. Don't worry so much about it." I assure him, patting the back of his shoulder before entering the studio, sliding on the headphones, and staring off into the dark red room before me.

Every single person in this studio is looking at me like I am the one that went insane like I have a goat head or something.

I snap, "Let's go, I ain't got all fucking day."

Ben sighs before making his way to the sound table and pressing the buttons. The music flows through my head until I'm able to make out what it is I am supposed to be doing. I get that the lyrics for the new song are in front of me, but I can't help but focus on the guilt swirling around in my brain.

My hand around her sweet little throat forced her to beg for her life. Watching those pretty eyes dilate and her lips part while searching for a breath of some sort. It turned me on to see her in such a pitiful state - so helpless. I felt the devil evaporate when she pleaded for me not to touch her. To leave her and never turn back.

Oh little angel, you have no idea how many times I thought about leaving you. You seduce me like the temptress you are without any remorse. You filthy temptress, ridding me of all my pride.

"Stone!" Ben yells through the intercom. "Get your head outta your ass! We ain't got all day and Heath wants a new song for tour!"

A new song for the tour? I'll give him a new song for the tour.

I just go for it, letting the thoughts and emotions pour out through the instrumental that doesn't exactly match. No one stops me. I just keep going, losing my mind with each word that comes out.

When I'm finished, everyone stops and stares. Ben rubs a hand on the lower part of his face, searching for words. "Jesus H, Chris. We need to get you some happy pills."

"Or a priest," Natalie mutters in a corner and I shoot her a look.

Forgive me Mother, I think through the words, for becoming the man you have always feared I'd be.