Esmeray (Queen of Darkness)

15

I don't know what drove me to come here, but I wanted to see this room empty. Void of any life except my own. It seems so much....smaller. Before all the emotions that were packed in this room, all the different feelings made it seem like the room was infinite. As if it went on for miles. Now, standing in the middle, it's small and cold. It's hard to believe that only a few hours ago it was gushing with warmth and life.

I can still hear the melodies of the music in the air, and it brings a smile onto my face. That's one of the biggest things I wish Terrans could experience. How the sounds of man made music, mixes with the music of the sky. The melodies are like nothing you have ever heard. I hear them now. Swaying back and forth I start to dance with an invisible partner and my bare feet slap against the floor adding my own rhythm.

After I came back from speaking with Damian, his question would not leave my mind. He asked me what I was going to do, and since I could not answer, I left. I opened the door, escaped from his comforting touch, and fled back into the one room I knew he wouldn't follow me into. The ballroom. Where I am now.

I can still hear him calling after me. I can still hear the rough undertone in his voice, the part that speaks of emotion but is buried beneath years of being numb to emotion. He wanted me to fall into him, but I couldn't. Yes, I want him. I want his comfort, but at the moment all I wanted to do was run. Run far away, run back to my home. Where he couldn't reach me and everything was so....known. I knew everything that was going to happen in my life, everything was planned out. I had comfort in knowing my future. Down here, I know nothing. I crave the comfort that security brought me in my home.

As much as I want to, I know I can't go back. Too much has been done, too much has been learned, I can't just leave and forget. I do not have the luxury of ignorance any longer. I know the past, I know what truly happened so many years ago that broke our world. If I were to go back, to go home, I would have to have my mind wiped. Again. I will not be able to return and marry Cassian when he knew all along that everything was a life. That he lied to me. I will not be able to face the king without wanting to cut the line of his neck. If I were to return I would go for only one reason. To seek revenge. Erebus deserves a life of misery, after all, that is what he gave me. He took me as a child, took my life, and forced me to become a soldier that no longer understood mercy. He ruined everything, he ruined me. I want him to feel it. Feel my pain.

Damian was right. I need to pick a side. A side that I believe in. Not a side that I was made to serve, or told to fight for. Making this decision will mark the new direction of my life. I will not decide as Freya. I will not decide as Shaye. I will decide as Ariel.

Stopping my movement I clench my fists at my side and wind comes alive tipping up the edges of my dress. It empowers me. The sky is not my enemy, nor is the ground. Looking up I follow the single breeze speaking of home and hold the brand on my wrist.

I will fight for my people. For my home. Right now, that means siding with the Terrans and erasing the life of my king. I was sent to spill royal blood, only now, I will spill blood that is blue, not red.

Coiling a draft around my palms, I speak into my hands in the native tongue of my people and send it back to my home land with a message.

Your princess is dead.

As I watch the draft float farther and farther away I slip down to the floor and sit with my legs crossed beneath me. Erebus will see it, he'll be able to sense the message in the sky and pull it to him. After that, the king and Cass will know that I am not on their side any longer.

Looking back at the door I bite my lip as I hear footsteps grow closer. Soon they're behind the door and I hear the handle click as it opens.

The king.