Esmeray (Queen of Darkness)

19

I wake to a soft voice against my ear, and a light shake of my shoulder. At first I think I'm still dreaming and I've just passed out but then I hear the sound of a deep male voice and I know I'm not. Someone is trying to wake me. Groaning I crack open one eye and see Damian crouched in front of me with a worried frown. Ignoring him I shut my eyes again and shift so my head is more comfortable. I wish I hadn't dreamed. Dreams never aid in my rest, in fact they have the opposite effect. I wake up just as tired as I fell asleep, if not more. Again Damian tries to rouse me but I shove his hand off and mumble for him to leave me alone. He doesn't listen. Sighing he takes my arm and I hiss as my side flares in pain and my eyes snap open. Dropping my arm instantly he jerks back like he's been stung and I give him a small lipped smile. Kneeling down he takes my hand and uses his other to lightly push some hair out of my face.

"Are you okay?" he asks and I shiver at the softness in his voice.

"I'm fine."

"What are you doing in my room?"

I fold myself back into the chair and close my eyes as I talk, "My mind was too awake so I stumbled in here."

"What were you thinking about?"

I don't answer him, instead I fight very hard to not fall back into the comfort of rest. Giving up on me answering him, he instead slides his arm under my knees and picks me up out of the chair.

"Are you trying to wake me up? Do I have to get up for something?"

He shakes his head, "No. You can sleep. I just wanted to move you somewhere more comfortable."

True to his word he sets me down in his bed and I smile as I settle down into the warm blankets. Pulling one over me he sits down by my side and sets my knife on his bedside table.

"I have to go meet Alexander, I'll be back in an hour. Okay?" I nod and he grins as he bends to kiss my forehead, "Don't run off while I'm gone."

"I make no promises."

He scowls and pinches my side, "I mean it, Flyer. If I come back and you're not here I'll post a guard on you. Understand?"

I roll my eyes, "Yes, your highness I understand."

He smirks and I glare at him while I roll over so I won't have to look at his green eyes any longer. Chuckling he stands up and I hear him grab a cloak from his closet before pulling the door open. Stopping at the threshold I turn my head and he leans against the door.

"I want you to tell me what happened yesterday," he pauses, "the real story. We'll talk about it when I get back."

Without another word he shuts the door and I swallow the lump in my throat as I clutch one of his pillows against my chest. How can I tell him the truth? If I do he'll hold me under lock and key, but if I don't I'm pretty sure he won't ever leave my side. Sighing I pull the blanket up under my nose and his smell washes over my senses and I try and fail to hold onto my anger and not drown in his comfort. It doesn't work. Even when he's not here, I still get swallowed. Giving up I let the warmth of his blankets wash me back down into sleep.

This time I dream of Tesha. I hear her voice spinning in my ear and her face hovering in front of mine. She tells me that I'm failing. That I'm a failure. That I betrayed her and my people. In a way, she's not wrong. I did betray her. I did betray him. They just don't see why. They can't. They don't understand how much pain I've been through to make me like this. They don't understand the amount of anger I have bubbling in my chest. They don't see what I see. They don't see the pain that Erebus' causes, they don't have any issues with following orders without question. They were born and raised into that. I wasn't. I know I wasn't. Even though I can't remember, I know. I know I'm not supposed to be like that. I know I'm not supposed to comply. I know there is something bigger. They may think that they're fighting for what's right, for they're blood, but they're not. They're fighting for Erebus and his lying tongue. For his claws that sink into the heart of the people and tear it to shreds. They fight for him. Not for the people.