Esmeray (Queen of Darkness)

22

My hunger wakes me and I roll over in my bed so my back faces the glow of the sun. Facing the door I rub the nightmares from my eyes and clear my head from the haze of my dreams. I dreamed of Cassian again. The same dream I had long ago. Where all he did was yell PURGE. It's been a dream that's replayed almost every night I close my eyes. At least during the times I don't see faces of the dead. Grumbling louder against my blankets, my stomach calls for food and I groan as I slip out from the warmth of my bed. Grabbing a blanket I toss it around my shoulders, and just as I reach to open my door it swings open and I yelp as it hits my nose. Cursing I step back and rub the sore spot, as the maid scrambles inside to look at what she hit. Noticing who I am, her face drains of its color and she pleads for forgiveness. Waving her off I tell her not to be sorry and she steps back to let me through. Once the door is far behind me I turn to look and see her clutching her cleaning rag tight against her chest.

That's another downside of being an Aura, when people see you, Terrans, terror grabs hold of them. I wish that I was just a nameless face. Running my hand through my short hair, I toss it around and try to get it to not feel so awkward against my scalp. My attempts are worthless.

Blowing under my nose the smell of food brings a flood of saliva to my mouth and I quicken my pace to get to the dining room. Pushing open the doors I ignore Damian's pinched eyebrows and Alexander barks a laugh as I walk in and snatch a roll off of a platter. Throwing it Alexander I get him to shut up and he looks at Damian who watches me with a speck of pride in his eyes. It pisses me off. Taking another roll I throw it at his head and it easily dodges without batting an eye.

"What's her problem?" Alexander mutters to Damian.

"She's hungry." he says and holds a plate of bacon and fruit out to me.

Grinning, I sit and thank him with a kiss on his cheek as I take the plate and bite into the delicious taste of bacon.

"See?"

Alexander blinks and turns to the king, "Are all girls like this?"

The king's face lights up with a smile, "My Lyrassa was not happy when she didn't eat."

"Thank the trees I'm not with a girl."

"Shut up, Lex."

He raises his hands in surrender and Damian slides a roll with some jam onto my plate. "Do I get a kiss for that too?" I glare at him, "Okay okay. I'll let you eat."

Biting into the roll, I smile and Alexander watches me with confused eyes before joining in on the conversation Damian and the king are having on something going on in the town square. Tuning them out I eat my food in peace and when I'm done and full I pull my knees to my chest and curl up with my blanket. Tilting my head against the back of the chair I sit quietly and take small sips of my juice.

Cassian's face changed in my dream last night. He didn't look the same. His eyes were dark. Hollow. Void of life. His skin was pale and cold and his hair was messy. His posture was slumped, and he just seemed.....weak. He wore the face of a man who wished for death. Feeling an ache in my chest, I set my glass down and rub the tender spot, right near my heart, with my palm. I hope my dream isn't holding truth. I hope he isn't giving up. I couldn't handle knowing that I was the one who caused him all of this. I can barely handle knowing how much I'm hurting him.

He's in pain because of me. He's hurting and broken and it's all my fault. My brother, my Cass. I swore to myself that I would help him, that I would do my best to save him from harm. Instead I'm the one sending blow after blow and not taking them for him.

I still remember the day I promised myself that I would protect him at any cost. That his life would come before my own.

It was six days after I woke up, and he was there sitting by my chair with a slender and straight piece of wood balanced on his index finger. His face was pinched in concentration and he was dressed in loose fitting pants and t-shirt. His crown was tipped downward on his head, and his hair was a mess underneath the gold. I counted the seconds the pole stayed on his finger, and when it finally fell over I expected him to get angry but he instead smiled so big it made my own lips twitch. He told me that he tried for weeks to balance that pole and even though he only held it for ten seconds he was happy. He said, it's the one thing I've done that my father hasn't disapproved of me doing. Afterward, he grabbed my hand and together we ran down the halls to find his dad. All the way there, Cassian told me how excited he was to tell his father he was able to do it. I remember him glowing with pure joy and radiating happiness. When we finally did find him, Cassian ran up to him and told him everything he had accomplished. I wanted his father to toss him in the air and hug him. I wanted his father to say 'I'm so proud of you' but I knew he wouldn't. I knew he wouldn't care. I just didn't have the heart to tell Cass. As Cassian finished his story, he smiled so big but his father returned his joy with anger. He snapped at him. Yelled at him, telling him that he needed to grow up. To stop being so childish. He threatened Cassian that he would banish him if he didn't live up to the West name. I was scared of Cassian's father, but when I looked at Cassian's face I saw terror. He was terrified of his father. Finishing his yelling with a harsh comment about the fact that Cassian was crying the king backhanded him and left with an angry roar.