Esmeray (Queen of Darkness)

21

Time seems to be moving slowly. With every amount of land we cover on our ride back, time seems to slow. The pressure becomes more real as I travel. When I get back, it's my job to fight and train the men so they can survive. If they don't survive, it will be my fault. All of this is already my fault, more death counts will just make it so much worse. Leaning down I lay my head against Atreus' neck and grasp his hair between my fingers. It's all coming to an end. It will end. I just don't know how bad the outcome will be. Looking over at Adeena I see her posture slumped and her hands light against her horse's reins. She does look truly ill. Another thing to add to the list that has been brought about by my existence. As we turn the corner and go over a hill I see the castle standing in its glory. White and black stone, with ivory painted walls. This is the battleground. This will be the battle ground.

Stopping in front of the steps, some guards take our horses and I help Adeena down so she can lean against my arm. Looking over my shoulder I see Alexander and Damian talking amongst themselves in a deep undertone and my ears strain to make out what they're saying, but my attempts are useless. At Adeena's ask, I walk her up the steps and inside where a maid waits to collect her. Rubbing my collarbone I watch Adeena get taken away and soon I wander my way over to the dining hall. Getting myself a plate, I pile on meat and fruit with a side of cake while taking down a whole cup of water.

I wish I knew when he would come. I wish I knew the exact date. The time. Anything. He could come right now, in a few days, or a few months. I hate not knowing. I hate Cassian for coming here. For doing this to me. I hate so many things. Stabbing a piece of meat I stuff it into my mouth and my teeth work over the food. I need to come up with a strategy. I need to know what I'm doing, how I'll teach them, and how long it will take. I don't have the facilities I need and I don't have the respect I need. They won't want to listen to me, they'll fight, grumble, and do everything grudgingly. They won't want to take orders from me, and that will make everything ten times harder. I either need to gain their allegiance through time and trust, or through fear. Time is the one thing that is in short supply, which leaves me with only one other option. Fear.

Everything, anything, comes back to fear. Fear is at our root. At our heart. It has more power than any other emotion. It controls more than any other feeling. Fear. Fear. Fear. The one thing no one can escape. Fear will always live inside our souls, it will always have its teeth sunk into our minds. The only thing we can do, the only thing I can do, is determine how much I let it rule. I've already moved past one of my fears today. The fear that kept me from being whole, from being truly me. Now I have to inflict fear into other lives. I have to rattle those men's fears. I have to make them let fear have control. Fear has to come out. Fear has to rule.

Fear keeps us in the dark.

But fear also saves us.

Reaching for another bite, I startle as my fork hits glass and soon realize I ate all my food. Sighing I push the plate away and pull out Tesha's dagger from my pocket. What would she do? What would she tell me to do?

If you want people to listen, you have to be loud. She said,

Find what you fight for, and give it your all.

There is no point in fighting without fire.

To win you have to outsmart, outhink, and overpower your enemy.

Focus on your strengths.

Always make sure they won't ever breathe again.

Her words are like songs in my head. They run laps around my mind and create a melody. I don't need to retrain every Terran, I need to know their strengths and empower them. I need to help them focus. Focus on what they fight for, who they fight for, and what they have to lose. I have to make them see what an Aura can do. I have to make them see what ending they can cause. I have to show them every dark thought, dark action, that an Aura will do without any hesitation.