two months later...
"Close your eyes."
"Now take your time. Take a breath. Speak whenever you're ready."
Yara did as told, closing her eyes allowing the warmness of the room to relax her body. She allowed for everything to process in her mind, so that she could finally make some progress with her healing.
"Yara I see that you're crying, and that's what I want. I want you to cry. I want you to scream, yell, and do whatever else you have to do to allow yourself to heal. Nobody is here. Just me and you."
Yara continued to cry, squeezing her eyes tighter than ever. "Sometimes I hate myself." She admitted. "Sometimes I wish I never existed." She continued to vent. "Sometimes I wish that they would've killed me."
Ms. Clementine nodded, not saying a word. She wanted Yara to keep going. She placed her clipboard on her desk, clasping her hands together, so that she could listen to Yara intently. Yara had been coming to her for counseling sessions for about two months, and this was the first time Yara had said more than two words. She could tell that the young girl was fighting herself, but she constantly reassured her that whenever she was ready to break, she would be there.
"I-I don't deserve to be here. I'm a disappointment." Yara sniffled. This is what she had been feeling her whole life. Her whole life she felt like she didn't deserve to exist. Growing up in the toxic home that she did, she was constantly reminded of how much of a disappointment she was to the world.
Everytime she would go to school she would try so hard to accomplish something new, so that she could show her parents that she was good at something. However; it would always backfire. She remembered in fourth grade, making A honor roll and scoring the highest on the state testing. Instead of her family celebrating her, they tore her down and reminded her that she would never amount to anything in life.
"Ms. Clem I'm a disappointment." Yara repeated.
"Why do you think that you're a disappointment?" Ms. Clementine asked in return.
"Because, they said it. I'm just a mistake. My real mom didn't even want me." Yara shrugged almost nonchalantly. Ms. Clem was a little confused as to how Yara went from crying to being emotionless.
Yara couldn't even remember when she had a birthday party. The only thing she did remember was her big brother's best friend coming into her room at the age of eleven raping her. She remembered it like it was yesterday. It was just days after she had turned eleven and he took her innocence. He told her that it was his gift to her, making her a "woman."
Ms. Clementine pulled her chair in front of Yara, still leaving space between them. She studied Yara seeing that she still had her eyes closed. Anyone could see that Yara was clearly hurting and traumatized. Not only physically, but also mentally and emotionally.
"That's why they tried to get rid of me. I don't deserve to be here." Yara stated.
"Hakim, Treasure, and Niara." Ms. Clementine simply stated. Yara almost immediately opened her eyes. Hearing those three names, warmed her insides. All of a sudden, she felt the urge to smile.
"Do you think they think that you're a disappointment? That you're a mistake? That you don't belong here?" She asked.
"Well I—Yes or no?" Ms. Clementine interrupted Yara. She knew that Yara was about to convince herself that they indeed think that she was a disappointment.
Yara chewed on the inside of her cheek, shrugging her shoulders. "I don't know." She replied. She knew deep down that they genuinely cared for her, but she couldn't help but to feel like a burden.
