Never again | Theodore Nott Vs. Cedric Diggory

27. What if?

"What is my life?"

✧༺♥༻∞

I feel his hot breath on my neck as he thrusts in me one last time before we both reach our peak.

We've been having a lot of sex recently.

I wouldn't say it's the best copy mechanism, but it by far beats dwelling on the recent clarity from my ex and the monstrosity the war has brought out in everyone.

The whole Wizarding World has been on edge. It feels as if at any moment, the snaps between both sides will finally tear and all hell will break loose.

And I'm not sure where that leaves me. I obviously don't have the same beliefs as other Purebloods, but with my parents and my boyfriend ( though he's not there by choice) are on one side of the war where I would've had to be if any other circumstances.

I don't want them to win, but it would kill me to see any of them hurt in the process.

Yes, my parents and I don't have the best relationship. But I'm not evil. I don't want anything bad to happen to them. They're my parents for the love of God.

Theo breaks my train of thought when he turns to me and says.

"I love you"

As imagined, the war has been extremely hard for him to manage. He's going through something I cannot even fathom. Having to fight for something he'd rather die than believe in is crushing him. Having tasks he'd never in his wildest dreams believe he'd have to do is crushing him. Having to come back and deal with all my shit is also crushing him a bit, I can tell.

He doesn't get it. Says he does and will really try to see it from my perspective, but deep down he doesn't understand.

How after everything I've done to move on, that one conversation can send me back months from all the progress I've made. How the "What ifs?" keep replaying in my head no matter how many times I try to shut them out. No matter how many times I remind myself that I love my boyfriend and I want to be with him, there's a little part of me that wonders about the what ifs.

I haven't talked to Cedric since that night. God I really do hope he's okay.

Though, I push all those thoughts out as I say.

"I love you too" and kiss him just once.

Because I do.

I do love him. More than life it feels like.

I turn my back towards him and he pulls me by my waist so he can hold me to sleep.

-

Sex feels good— obviously, but I'm not talking about the physical aspect. Sex has been the only way my mind has been able to focus on what's happening. Everything immediately blocks out and for that moment, and I'm completely focused on what we're doing and how I feel.

It's exactly why Theo and I have been having a lot of it. Our sex life has always been pretty busy, I mean that's how we got together in the first place, but it's definitely at its all time high now. And I can admit it's been me who initiates it most of the time recently.

Because I know he won't say no. Whether it's in our dorms before dinner, late at night, or in broom closets throughout the day, we can't keep our hands off each other.

I know it probably sounds bad. Like we're distracting ourselves from our real issues with sex, but we're also in love. So does it really matter?

Anyways, it's the next day and I'm in the common room on my way for breakfast when I hear my name being called.

"Is that Ms. Veronica Thompson?" I turn to see Leo with a cheeky grin, happy as always to see me.

Seeing him feels so refreshing. Like my problems aren't that important if Leo Tomlinson is still happy to see me. Honestly, sometimes it feels like he's my only real friend in my house, and I only met him through Cedric.

"It's her" I let him know while a smile grows on my face.

He gives me a quick embrace before asking.

"How are you?" With the sincerity in his eyes, I know he knows everything. I mean why wouldn't Cedric tell him what happened, that's his best friend.

"I'm okay," I say truthfully. "How are you and Liv?"

Liv tells me almost everything, but I haven't seen her as much. When I said sex was taking up a lot of my time, I wasn't kidding.

The light her name brought to his face is so noticeable. I'm not sure how she didn't know he was head over heels for her even before this year.

"Great, you know she's-"

"The best person ever" I finish his sentence. "Yes, I'm very much aware, and don't forget she was mine first"

The smug grin on my face. I love my best friend and if you didn't notice, I'm a little protective over her.

Though he just laughs knowing I'm joking.

"And I'll never forget it."

I laugh it off too before he says.

"Honestly, Ronnie I'm surprised to see you here by yourself."

"Yeah? And why's that?"

"I don't know, it feels like every time I see you nowadays Nott is trailing behind you. Trouble in paradise?" He asks with hopeful eyes though I know with everything in me that the hope isn't for himself but for his best friend.

"Sorry to break it to who's ever asking, but we're still going strong  (I think). Just needed some time away to get ready this morning"

It's true. Theo left a few hours ago to get ready in his own dorm. Part of me wanted him to stay, but I wasn't going to fight him on it.

"Very well. He's a good lad right?"

I nod, not knowing how to keep talking about this without it becoming awkward. It was going well till his next question.

"So uhm, have you spoken to Cedric recently?" He looks kinda nervous like he doesn't want to ask, but wants the answer more.

"Not recently" I hate how I can feel myself shrink just from his name.

It's not a total lie. Weeks have a past since we talked, that's not recently, right?

He just nods understandingly. I know he doesn't want to get involved with our stuff, never has.

"Yeah, I don't blame you. Well, it was nice seeing you, Ronnie. Take care of yourself, yeah?"

He gives me a small wink before leaving the common room to go down for breakfast.

Though I love seeing Leo, this conversation made me feel equally worse and better at the same time.

God, what is my life?

-
Authors Note:
Hi yall! Sorry if this is a little short but i think im gonna be posting more on tik tok
@  readingwmar1 so if u want more ronnie theo cedric content i recommend there, thanks for reading i love you <3 ( ps any comments suggestions & votes are highly appreciated)