Behind Closed Doors

'Let Each Other Go, For now'

'Am I fired?'

'No.'

'How? Why aren't I fired? I lost two patients.'

'I checked your procedures, the medications; I was thorough in making sure you were doing everything you could to keep your patients alive. Chapman, I was following you every step of the way. You did what you could. Sometimes, you can know everything there is to know about medicine. You can be a genius, a whizz, but at the end of the day, it all comes down to luck.' A pause. 'I'm sorry. I guess luck just wasn't on your side. You're a good doctor. I'd hate to see you walk away with those two deaths hanging on your shoulders. You did everything right.'

A lie. That wasn't true.
Piper had made mistakes that day.

'You should go home. Your shift has ended.'

'I still have a couple of patients to check on, sir.'

'Get out of the hospital. Get some rest. You won't have many opportunities like these. Go home.'

'Can I ask something?'

'Okay.'

Glancing down at her hands in her lap, Piper struggled to form words. 'When you were an intern, was it normal for you to--' She shrugged. '--lose interest?'

'In what?'

'A person.'

He answered without hesitation. 'Yes.' Looked at her engagement ring. 'All the time.' Piper said nothing, but her heart falls. 'When I was an intern, I didn't have time for relationships. To be honest, I still don't. Don't be surprised if you're not as close to your partner as you were before.'

The chair scraped back. Piper stood. 'I'll see you tomorrow, sir.'

He nodded, watched her leave. The moment she left the office, Piper felt sick to her stomach. No matter how much her boss tried to reassure her she had done everything right, she still felt guilty, awful. Absolutely awful. Piper reached the locker room, pulled off her scrubs and changed into jeans and a top. She pressed her forehead against the metal, exhaled heavily. The world was very dark; she felt detached, as if she were fading away. She wanted to cry, but she refrained herself. No, she didn't want to cry, she didn't want to burst into tears like a child. She was an adult, she was a doctor; she had to deal with the shit thrown at her.

It made no sense, though. To think, yesterday afternoon she had been speaking to Tom, and he was alive, he was okay, he was fucking breathing. Why did he have to die? What did he do in order to die at such a young age? Was there a reason? Fuck, there must have been a reason. Or did people just die? Did they just die because it's a part of nature for them to die? Was there no real cause? How was that fair? How was that fair?

Piper slammed her locker door shut.

And she couldn't stop thinking about the kiss.

I'm not a good doctor.

Couldn't stop thinking about Alex's lips on hers, how right and perfect she felt against her, how much Piper wanted more. She had never felt so excited in so few seconds. Kissing Alex sparked something dangerous and hungry inside her. A monster trapped within, growling, greedy, possessive. Piper felt a rush. Her cheeks reddened, but not out of embarrassment. Grabbing her bag, she slung it over her shoulder, and slowly left the room.

Somehow, someway, Piper had turned into a horrible woman.

××××××××××××××××××××

Ice cream. Mad Men. Bed.

The house to herself.

Piper felt miserable.