Behind Closed Doors

'You Can't Leave Me'

She wished the chart was never given to her. She wished she never considered medicine. She wished she had been assigned to a different hospital. She wished she walked away when she could, she wished for different, for another life, another opportunity. She wished to forget. She wished to move on, and never look back. She wished she had never met her.

Because if they never met, then Piper wouldn't have to lose Alex. It was that simple.

It was so simple.

So simple.

Alex's body jumped at the shock of the defibrillators. Then her body fell back against the bed, unmoving, eyes closed; death had already embraced her, and Piper was staring at the remains. That corpse was not her; that corpse was not Alex. That was just a person. Somebody who was once alive and well.

By now, Piper couldn't hear the heart monitor.

The drone. The flatline.

By now, Piper had stopped crying.

Even though all that was left was a corpse, a soulless body; pale and limp. Piper could still touch her, could still talk to her, could still press her cheek to hers. She could still fell the last moments of Alex's warmth. Her novel had dropped to the floor. Glasses on the bedside table. Her jacket slung over the chair. Piper realised Polly was watching her, but she couldn't avert her gaze from Alex, as if expecting her to suddenly wake up.

As if expecting the impossible.

Nothing.

The line flat, endless; no heartbeat. Gone.

Her attending made a motion to forfeit, place the defibrillators aside, say, 'Time of death-'

'Again.'

Bennett looked at her. 'I'm sorry, but we can't.'

'Again.' Her voice was weak, fragile, pathetic. Close to falling apart. Her palm was pressed against the wall, and, this time, when tears welled up in her eyes, it wasn't out of fright, it wasn't out of shock, it wasn't out of loss. Again. Do it again. Resuscitate her again. Again. One more time. Piper couldn't stand everyone staring at her, she couldn't stand Alex's body, lifeless, she couldn't handle this. Piper glared at Bennett, and her voice came out stronger, demanding, reckless. 'Again.'

'She signed a DNR form. We shouldn't have even done this much.'

'Again! Resuscitate her again otherwise I'll do it myself!'

It was a fight between a fool and and a rational man. But, Piper meant every word. She would take the defibrillators, she would revive Alex. Fuck the DNR. This was Piper's patient. This was Piper's patient. Alex was Piper's. No one, got to decide for her. Nobody got to decide whether Alex lived or died. It was Piper's decision; it was Piper's right.

Bennett was already in trouble, and he must have known this, for he simply rolled his eyes, grabbed the defibrillators, told the nurse to heighten the voltage. Three seconds. One. The nurse set the charge. Two. Piper held her breath. Three. 'Clear!' And she knew, then, at that point, she was gone. Alex was dead. Piper was holding onto nothing.

The defibrillators pressed onto her body.

A shock of electricity. Alex's bruised form flinched....

Beep... beep... beep...

Tears trickled down Piper's cheeks as she stared at the monitor.

... beep... beep... beep...

...

...

... flat line. No. No. Piper jarred her teeth, approached the bed.

'Fuck you, Alex,' she whispered, vision blurred. Bennett couldn't fight her when she snatched the defibrillators. Polly opened her mouth to speak, but Piper cut through her, 'Clear!' The nurse had no choice. And Piper wasn't friendly. She shocked Alex again. Three beats of her heart. Then gone.