Survival Journal

Chapter 2: Tesoro

I park my car οn the finishing lane underneath the podium with the rest of the winners, I remained inside my vehicle for some time feeling overwhelmed and humiliated in a way.

As my feet hit the ground I immediately notice how he was waving his hand to the world on top of his vehicle while the sun light was softly forcing a gleam into his suit. A red Ferrari suit, my eyes were locked in his presence.

This suit I would so much like to wear and his success I would love to own. I cant consider him as a role model but more of a person i want to be better off. He is the obstacle of getting this success this budge on my chest.

He shows a proud, sweet face towards his fans and coworkers but once he gets off that vehicle I could sense his eyes observing me in a detail manner, staring at me through the helmet directly and firm. His hand slowly get the equipment off of his head and place it at a table near by.

An intensive stare which made my eyes narrow harder lifting down the glass of my helmet, succeding in hiding my envious look.

I'm aware of such kind of gazes. He wants war. I have always been aware of his competitive personality, he never accepts losing espesially from a woman, this we share.

My attention follows the empty sky above my head as my mind clears, I take off my helmet feeling free having my face on display as fans cheer my name from the distance.I havent realized my eyes were still focused all over his as he made his intensive stare clear.

It didnt last for long, with annoyed laugh he rolled his eyes and darted at his crew team, hugging them through the barrier while their loud cheers and congratulations were tearing ears apart.

I scoff. I despised the attention they were handing to him, no one turned around to look at me, to feel sorry for this unfair battle. All they could see is their honorary boy. I dont blame them, he winned.

I wanted air, I wanted time, I couldn't handle how this humiliating emotion got louder by the time. I felt small in such a mess. People ine every corner, my team yelling my name, other teams also gathered around among the huge pile of people.

In minutes I didn't realized I was following the same path I used to escape from podium last year as well, a year filled with chaos. It felt like nothing have changed.

I end up in the Mercedes garage, no one is in, the place is a total ghost place since everyone is waiting for me underneath the podium.

My heart pounded so loud, my chest ached for more of some air, when I sit down and take a wild breath to calm myself, to stop acting so childish and dramatic.

All my emotions and energy was down to the drain, emotionally suffering. This brought me back to Last season when it was phsycically draining for me, I had potential to show my abilities to the world, yet I wasted them by being a lost case. My driving was filled with mistakes, my mind was off to all places expect races with lack of focus. My performance was horrible, yet Mercedes didn't end my contract, they taught me how to be more repsonisble.

I don't want to disappoint them, i don't want Toto to feel like he made the wrong decision choosing me to continue on his team. I don't want to be a rebel anymore, i want to represent my gender and country ,win, win from the only man that needs to be humbled by a woman.

Oh, the effort I would give just to see the look on his face getting bitten up by a woman.

My thoughts snap and my eyes escalate on a tall figure wearing a Mercedes-amg  merch shirt, my eyes lift even higher noticing my Team principal approaching me with a concerning expression. My face is filled with confusion the minute I notice his presence.