Trust Issues {Getou x f!/reader}

~15~

(TW⚠️: For the mention of cigarettes, drugs, and suicide. ) ( sorry for shit spelling again! Cannot do anything for the life of me 🖕)

Suguru and you sat in his car in silence. And not a comfortable silence. Something was needed to be said between you two and the only question that was there was, who was going to say it first?

"Suguru-"

"I dont want to hear it."

Everything you didnt want happening was happening. He was mad. Or does he not trust me anymore like Choso said? You felt yourself panicking again. You fucked up big time and you knew it. You didnt mean to make him upset at you. You just didnt think you deserved his love. For the rest of the car ride was silent. Only small glances were placed upon eachother. But not glances that you prefered. When Suguru glanced at you, you could see he was physically upset.

The car ride felt like it had taken a century but slowly you guys started passing by buildings you recognized. One after another you guys pulled up to the apartments. As soon as Suguru parked he immediately got out of the car and started heading towards the door. You didn't even know what to do. Should you go try to apologize? Or just pack your shit and leave. Who would want someone living in there apartment when they treat you like shit and leave you of the blue?

Getting out you headed towards the door also and walked in. Inside it looked the same. But did not feel the same. Instead of being somewhere you felt comfortable, you felt unwelcome. You closed the door behind you. There stood Suguru in the hallway coming out from your room. You walked a little closer before stopping in your steps. Suguru had tears welling in his eyes, daring to fall at any moment. You choked on your breath for a moment.

"You know how worried I was for you?"

He said, clenching his fist.

"Yes, I know."

"Then why the fuck did you run away?! I though you went and fucking killed yourself or some shit!"

"Suguru I wouldn't fucking do that!"

"Ok then why did you go? Was it something I did?"

"What? No never it wasn't because of you!"

"Ok then explain yourself Y/N."

You felt your breathing slow. It felt like someone was choking you. You didn't know what to say. Or how to explain it.

"I- I'm not sure Suguru."

"So you just decided to wake up and fucking  leave me out of the fucking blue? Not even wake me up and tell me how you felt?"

"That's the thing though I don't know how to explain how to explain myself!"

You looked at him, his tears that were daring to fall before had already fallen. And you could feel yourself battle your tears, trying to not get them to spill. You didn't want to cry. You hated crying. Especially infront of Suguru. And it was no longer because you were embarrassed. You just didn't want him worrying over you anymore. You didn't want anyone worrying over you anymore. Because everytime someone worries over you, you somehow either hurt them. Or make them worry more.

He moved closer to you and grabbed you by the shoulder. You glanced up at him then back down.

"Y/N, please just tell me what's wrong. Even if it's not a good explanation anything will do. I just want to help you."

You stood there for a second. Taking in what he said slowly. You thought for a moment, really trying to pin point your reasoning.

"I guess... I guess I just feel like like I don't deserve you."

"What the fuck are you saying?"

"Huh?"

"Why do you feel like that? That's so stupid."

You furrow your eyebrows and wiggle yourself out of his hold.

"Listen if you were just going to judge me on how I feel I'll just fucking leave."

"No, it's not like that. I just don't understand why you think you don't deserve me."

"I don't fucking know Suguru why do you think I didn't know myself."

You felt yourself starting to get upset. Not that you didn't already show it.

"Y/N, listen. I don't know why you feel like this. But all I know is that I love you, and even though you may feel like I don't. I do. But I won't be able to run after you again. I also don't want you brining my friends into our business again."

You knew this was coming, you just didn't know it was going to hurt this much. You nod and cover your face with your hands.

"Don't cry. I don't like seeing you cry. I'm just letting you-"

"Maybe I should start looking for an apartments again. I don't want to bother you anymore with my bullshit."

There was a faint pause. You removed your hands to look at Suguru. He looked at you, then turned around.

"I'm not going to stop you. You do whatever you think is best for you Y/N. Your an adult and I have no say in what you do. But don't think I'm agreeing with you. Because I hate the idea of you leaving me."

He walked towards his door and opened it.

"I'll be out of here by tomorrow, I promise."

You said, not that you wanted to leave. And it was obvious that Suguru didn't want that either. But maybe it was for the better for the both of you. Maybe you two didn't actually go together.

"Take your time Y/n."

-
Your promise of being out of Sugurus apartment didn't happen. It took you a week to pack your stuff and get your car back from Choso's house. But, even though you stayed a week longer than you said you would. Suguru and you had not spoken a lot. No more spending the night in each others bed. No more sitting on the couch and playing with his hair and complaining to him about your job you hardly ever attend to.

You watch Suguru place the last of your boxes in your trunk. He shuts the trunk and glances at you.

" Y/N are you sure you have found yourself a place? Do you want me to drive with you to make sure it's safe?"

"No. I'm fine, I'll be ok."

You knew you were lying. You hadn't found shit in the past week. You had asked Toji if you could stay at his place for a day or two. Then you were planning on camping out in your car for a little while longer.

You glance at Suguru again taking in his perfect face and his long hair that you pulled on that night. That night was the best thing ever. You had genuinely felt in love for once. That night, you would have never thought that it would end up causing such a big chaos.

"Alright, well I'll be on my way Suguru."

"Oh, ok. Make sure you still keep in touch with me. Maybe we can talk about getting you that tattoo sometime."

You nod your head knowing if you were to say anything you would break down sobbing. You got in your car and drove out of the parking lot of Sugurus apartment.

You knew Suguru cared for you. And not only did you feel like you didn't deserve him. But you couldn't help but realize if you stayed with Suguru, you couldn't let go of him. If you stayed with Suguru anymore. You would be so addicted to him. He's like a drug you can't help but latch onto for support. Everything about him makes you crazy. It wasn't just his divine looks that make you crazy for him. It was his upmost care for you. You loved him and he loved you.