365 Days

121

121

Mum and Dad are going to Sydney for the weekend, using their Christmas present from Olive and I.

They call me before they leave to thank me again, and then to remind me to call Olive.

I have only spoken to her once since New Years, and that was a brief text explaining that I told Alex and now I'm in Mackay for a little while.

I've decided to stay here until February. I'm going between Levi's house and Nanna and Poppy's house every few days, trying to forget about Alex.

Or at least what he said.

Not that it will make a difference but I check my phone for the thousandth time since I woke up an hour ago. Still nothing.

Nothing nothing and more nothing.

I sigh and then pick up the phone anyway, pressing Olive's contact and lifting the phone to my ear. It's the first time I feel like I can speak and keep myself in a whole piece.

She picks up right away. "Dakota?? Oh my God what happened? Why are you in Mackay? What's going on? Luke won't tell me anything and oh God I've been so worried."

Trust Olive to bring a smile to my face, albeit a small one.

"Chill, Olive. I'm fine."

"Please, Dakota. You're not half convincing, you sound like shit. I'm going to guess that you told Alex?" I love and hate how well she knows me.

I sigh, flopping back onto my bed at Nanna's. "Yeah. He didn't take it well."

"And neither did you by the sounds of it."

"Hence why I'm two states away." I twiddle with the edge of my duvet, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Has he-"

"Nope." I cut her off, knowing what she is going to ask. If he's spoken to me.

"That sucks. You okay?"

To tell the truth or to lie. "Eh." I do neither. "I don't know. I just," I take a deep breath, flicking my eyes up to the ceiling. "I've been okay with this whole cancer thing up until now. No one treats me too differently and I've accepted the fact that I'm only going to live until eighteen. Whatever. I'm not okay with what has now happened as a result of that. I lost one of my best friends." I start to choke up. "I fucking lost Alex. It's bullshit. What am I supposed to do now? What if I don't see him again? Ever?"

The line goes quiet and for a moment I think she's dropped out, but then I hear her sigh. "You will."

"I hope so."

Olive makes the decision to change the topic. "You're not missing out on anything down here. Everyone's gone away so now I'm bored out of my brains."

"Where's Ryan?" I ask.

"Oh, well he's still around but I'm getting sick of him," she jokes, and I hear protests from the other side of the phone. A distant no she's not!

"You're with him now? Why are you talking to me?"

I can imagine her rolling her eyes as she speaks. "You're my best friend and I had to hear from Luke that you went to freaking Mackay and haven't spoken to anyone since New Years? I knew something was up and I had to make sure you're okay. Or at least still alive." She pauses. "Shit, sorry. That's insensitive."

I swing my legs so that they are hanging off the bed and I am sitting up. The air conditioner is buzzing to cool me down, even though sweat has already dried at the back of my neck.

"You're fine," I reassure her. "I know I'm dying. It's all good, but I should go get a late breakfast-" my eyes flick to the clock. Shit "- or a late lunch now."

"No don't leave me with Ryan," she groans and I know she's doing it to tease him. "Please, I'm begging you."

"Have fun," I say, and then I hang up.

Still, no texts, no calls, no nothing.

Still, I feel empty.

I don't bother doing anything today. Nanna makes me an iced tea, gives me a hug and sets me up with a movie in bed.

If this is what going through a break up would be like I'm glad I'll be dead before I have to experience this again. It doesn't feel like my heart is in my chest. I'm always distracted; always thinking. My brain is foggy. I'm physically drained. I'm mentally drained.

This sucks.