I jolt awake, my heart pounding against my chest as I feel the intense ache pulsating through every fiber of my body.
As I glance out the window, darkness looms ominously outside and fear grips me tightly. My eyes flicker to the phone resting beside me and upon seeing that it's 3 am, a sense of panic takes over.
Struggling to control my racing thoughts, I take a deep breath but find myself trembling with emotional and physical exhaustion, every creak or groan in the house sends shivers down my spine and makes me wish for the morning light to come quickly so that this nightmare can end.
As my eyes adjust to the dimness within the room, I can make out some details surrounding me: a desk situated beside the bed with an accompanying chair blocking off part of a window several meters in front of my position, as I'm lying on my left side. Additionally, there are two hangers adjacent to each other located next to the said window where all my clothes have already been arranged neatly. Positioned at the foot of the bed is yet another hanger by my feet designated for hanging pants and concealing luggage.
With anxiety and tiredness consuming me, I struggle to calm down. Finally, as exhaustion sets in, I force my heavy eyelids shut and drift back into a restless slumber.
As I struggle to get out of bed, a heavyweight seems to settle over my entire body. My limbs ache as if they've been through some kind of ordeal while I slept, and the thought of facing another day makes me feel emotionally drained.
The brightness outside only serves to intensify this feeling - it's like the world is taunting me with its energy and vitality while I'm barely able to drag myself from one moment to the next.
Emotionally drained and exhausted, it's a struggle to grasp the fact that outside there's already the blinding light of the sun hitting through my window, even though I felt like I had just slept for ten minutes.
It takes all my willpower just to put one foot in front of the other and begin going through the motions of getting ready for the day or whatever awaits me beyond these walls. But no matter how hard I try, that sense of heaviness and emotional exhaustion never quite lifts throughout the day; instead, it follows me around like a dark cloud hovering just above my head.
With sheer determination, I muster up the courage to cleanse myself. However, my sense of privacy is immediately compromised when I stumble upon two roommates in the communal kitchen situated right next to the bathroom.
This intrusion makes me feel uneasy and exposed, leaving me fearful of making any noise because I am now aware of my private affairs.
Forcing myself, I mustered up the courage to step outside of the house and began my search for a shop that sold household supplies as well as another one where I could purchase groceries. It was fortunate that these shops were just a few minutes away from my shared house.
However, despite this stroke of luck, an overwhelming feeling of loneliness consumed me.
My emotions swirled within me making me feel both insecure and emotionally distraught at any potential social interaction with locals in this foreign country, even the quickest eye contact made me incredibly scared and vulnerable.
As part of the minority in this foreign country, the thought of being judged by others around me feels inevitable, and my insecurity compounds upon itself until it becomes an overwhelming weight on my chest.
How can I possibly belong here when every moment feels so uncomfortable?
With emotions swelling in my heart, I hold back tears as the stunning view of the city captures me under the enchanting noon light. The towering skyscrapers stand tall against the sun's rays, casting elegant and elongated shadows on the busy streets below.
This warm sight contrasts with the coldness of this December wind that hits half of my face, as hide the bottom visage with a mask, trying not to feel too exposed to all these strangers around me.
My soul falls deeply in love with this city which ignites an unexplainable strength and hopes within me for my journey ahead.
A wave of emotions hit me, my heart felt conflicted as my mind raced with thoughts about starting a new chapter in my life.
The idea of interacting with strangers made me feel scared, but at the same time, I couldn't help feeling emotionally drawn to this vibrant metropolis.
I knew then that these conflicting emotions would shape my journey ahead - pushing me out of my comfort zone while also allowing me to discover parts of myself that had been hidden away for far too long, and despite all the uncertainty and fear, I couldn't wait to see where this adventure would take me next.
