Is this what "butterflies in your stomach" means?
I am excited beyond belief. We slowly dance, our bodies sticking together as we sway our figures from side to side to the rhythm of the luxurious music that fills my senses. One hand occupied with a drink, almost done by now and feeling light-headed with delight.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, what's your name?" he shouts into my ear over the loud music.
"My name is Y/n, what about you?"
"I'm Jackson," he says smiling broadly at me. "Nice to meet you Y/n." He continues talking animatedly despite us being pressed so close it feels like there's no space between us.
As his attention lingers on me I can't help but feel grateful for having come here tonight dressed in something much more exciting than usual.
"Did you come alone?"
"No, I'm actually with my fr-"
"Y/n!! There you are!" Lisa's voice interrupted our conversation abruptly. She gripped my forearm tightly and pulled me away from the guy's warm body.
"We were worried sick about you! When did you even disappear?"
My friends continued to scold me, but their words only fueled my anger and frustration. Why can't I have some freedom like they do?
As they droned on about my lack of experience with men and my relatively younger age, their unsolicited advice made me feel irrationally irritated.
My annoyance was unmistakable as it showed plainly on my face, but the two chatterboxes failed to take any notice of it while attempting to dictate how I should lead my life.
I couldn't agree more that I have every right to make decisions for myself without being judged or belittled by others. Age and level of experience should never be used as a means to make someone feel inferior or incapable, and this is what these two are actually doing.
Upon sharing the events of the previous night during a video call with my mother, I noticed that she displayed an identical reaction to mine.
My mother has always been exceptionally supportive of my dreams and aspirations. She consistently encourages me to pursue a path that brings me happiness and fulfillment in life. Whenever she notices something bothering or weighing on me, she immediately shifts into full-on protective mode without hesitation.
When I receive expressions of love from my mother, it brings me a sense of security and warmth that permeates every aspect of my life. It reassures me that no matter what happens, there is always someone who has my back.
She is without a doubt the only person in this world whom I can trust completely.
Despite people around me trying to build meaningful connections with me, I find myself putting on a mask. This facade allows them to see only one side of Y/n - the unbothered and carefree version which rarely displays any vulnerability or distress.
However, deep down inside, beneath all those layers lies a complex being struggling with issues just like everyone else.
With a sense of calm, I prepared myself for meeting Lisa at our usual café - our usual plan was to search online for job and apartment opportunities.
However, as I gathered my things and headed out the door, a weird feeling of anxiety washed over me - it had been almost a month without any job offers.
Thankfully, Rosè mentioned that her boss is looking for staff and suggested both me and Lisa apply. This news brought relief and excitement as it could be an easy way to finally settle down with employment.
As I walked towards the café, thoughts flooded my mind on how far I've come in managing daily tasks like buying groceries regularly, paying bills on time while solely relying on my savings; keeping everything clean & organized whilst communicating effectively with locals about issues related to immigration office procedures. I can still vividly recall this day being one of growth despite its challenges.
(Flashback)
After obtaining a local phone number, I promptly attempted to schedule an appointment to obtain my local ID card, at the immigration office.
Rosè's previous statement resonated with me: "Believe me Y/n, it was quite difficult for me to secure that reservation; it took two months before I finally obtained my ID card."
To be honest, this didn't alleviate my anxiety at all. However, I knew that I had to confront the situation as soon as possible.
As the call-waiting tone rang in my ear, a wave of anxiety swept over me. My mind raced to formulate a response for when I spoke with another local representative when a low-tone-voice employee finally picked up, it felt like a punch to the gut.
Despite feeling on the edge of crying, I remained calm and focused while explaining my concerns as he walked me through each step of the process, gradually my anxious feelings subsided.
"Tomorrow at 2 PM you said?!" I asked incredulously after recalling how long Rosè waited for her appointment.
I also keep remembering how the next day I checked and rechecked every necessary document, and my anxiety levels skyrocketing with each passing minute.
The first thing that took me off guard was the imposing sight of the big and tall building housing the immigration office. My nervousness grew as I walked down a seemingly endless corridor until I found a worker to ask for directions.
Eventually, after what felt like an eternity, I reached my destination - standing in front of 12 desks waiting for my number to appear on the big screen.
As I stood there, an overwhelming feeling of loneliness and shame consumed me. It was as if the floor beneath my feet had turned into quicksand and I was slowly sinking deeper into it. With all eyes on me, I felt isolated and ashamed of who I had become.
"B96," echoed repeatedly through my mind as if taunting me while confusion set in when trying to understand what questions were being asked by the young and kind lady, when it was finally, my turn.
I handed over all required documents; beads of sweat forming on my forehead as I waited anxiously for news about when they would release my ID card...
"The 17th of January" I exclaimed excitedly into the phone receiver while simultaneously telling Mom how much easier this experience had been than anticipated.
