Y/n
I noticed our conversation changed a lot in these two months
I just wanted to ask your opinion or thoughts on this
Are you really interested in knowing me?
Jeon Jungkook
Isn't it hard to say yes or no yet?
I still haven't met you, so I wouldn't know what to tell you honestly.
But yeah sure, let me think about it!
Another tear stains my phone.
He has to think about that?
We've been talking for more than two months now and he has to think if he wants to meet me or not?!
A surge of anger wells up inside me, a simmering fire within my chest.
I sigh in frustration at my own foolishness for entertaining the idea that he might have had interest in me.
Deep lines form on my brow as it furrows with disappointment and self-reflection, causing a subtle ache to throb across my forehead.
Unbeknownst to me, the intensity of my emotions causes tension throughout my body, yet I remain fixated on this lingering rage until I catch sight of myself in the mirror.
My eyes darken with shades of frustration and sadness, their pupils dilating from inner turmoil.
Glancing upon the cause of my distress - none other than myself – triggers an overwhelming sense of disappointment.
Veins begin to protrude slightly along my forearms as I clench them into fists so tightly that they leave faint imprints from where nails meet skin; symbolic reminders mirroring both physical pain and emotional anguish.
How gullible was I to surrender such control over how someone else's actions could dictate my emotions?
It becomes painfully clear now that the investment made into this unreciprocated relationship was bred out of naivety.
I feel the tension in my teeth as they grind against each other, accompanied by a piercing sound that reverberates in my mind.
A surge of heat radiates from the center of my back, travelling upward to reach my eyes.
My body becomes rigid, with muscles contracting involuntarily, apprehensive about relinquishing control.
The image of myself that I chose to protect in different situations has now transformed into a radiant and composed smile as I engage with my friends and colleagues.
This is my way of protecting myself, keeping my emotions and pain hidden from others.
When faced with challenges, I willingly put on a mask, not wanting anyone, especially those dear to me, to witness my fragility or vulnerability.
Fair skin glistens under the sun without any visible signs of stress or worry; eyes exude such brightness that they overshadow the lifelessness of matt pupils devoid of soul; bright smile masks the pain I feel inside, deceiving others into believing that I am completely fine.
For an entire week following our last exchange, this has become the persona I have chosen to adopt.
Y/n
I'm saying sorry to myself, because I can't wait for somebody that will never arrive.
At first I wanted an answer, but looking back maybe there isn't even a reason.
Maybe we just had different opinions, even though we would get along so well.
I hope you will conquer everything you want, and from the bottom of my heart...
Thank you :D
Jeon Jungkook
I appreciate your kindness.
I hope you the best.
I begin to experience a strong surge of emotions, including feelings of being wronged, stress, frustration, and irritation.
I also feel embarrassed, powerless, and rejected in this situation.
As these emotions intensify, I notice that my heart rate increases and my hands start trembling.
Additionally, there is an internal desire to engage in negative behavior towards others; such as playing the victim or resorting to emotional blackmail by feigning illness.
As I gaze upon the road ahead of me once more after reading his message one last time, a sense of unease washes over me.
There, on the other side of the street, stands a figure that bears a striking resemblance to myself.
I realize it's a hallucination, but its lifelike qualities give me pause: limp hands held outwards with palms facing up, head shaking in apparent disbelief, the lack of eye contact and silence further emphasize its non-responsive nature, swaying in place precariously, its arms hang by its sides while letting out sighs filled with resignation, long and heavy as they escape into the air.
"Look at you Y/n"
Her voice is loud through the air, even though she stood on the opposite side of the road.
It baffled me how her lips remained motionless while those words reverberated.
Just then, a car sped past, dispersing that strange illusion.
I instinctively looked to my right at a shop window and felt an overwhelming surge of panic as I saw that identical image of the girl, same pose and same actions, on display before me, except that this time it wasn't a hallucination.
It was me.
"Y/n, what the hell?!" I gently slap my cheek trying to regain some strength and confidence.
I may be overdramatic and overreacting, but I've never been rejected and I didn't know it would hurt my pride so bad.
Defeated.
