A tidal wave of overwhelming emotions crashes over me the moment I lay eyes on Lisa's message. Her name alone brings back many memories from our intense lessons in the trimester course we took last year.
"Hi! I'm Lisa, you can remember me from the grammar lessons that we had together last year! I could see from your picture posted on social media that you're doing great in that beautiful metropolis..."
As I read further, her words fill me with uncertainty and doubt, as she used to ask me to hang out with her and her friends after class, but I could never bring myself to accept her offers. It wasn't that she wasn't fun or interesting; it was just difficult being around someone who always showed up drunk in our classes.
Despite this, there was still something magnetic about her presence that made it hard for me to completely avoid interacting with her altogether.
"...I just wanted to reach out and let you know that I'll also be moving there in a few days. To be honest, the thought of being alone in a new place has me feeling pretty unsure, so it would mean a lot if we could hang out after I arrive so that you also won't feel alone!"
It's bold of her to assume I'm not already surrounded by friends and familiar faces, but truthfully I don't have anyone else here, except for Rosè - she's been a saving grace, as she arrived here three months ago, already found a stable job as a dishwasher in a restaurant and lives her life to the fullest.
Although we met and talked just a few times, I was struck by the formidable and confident nature of Rosè. Her unwavering opinions left little room for doubt, yet her positive demeanor shone brightly in contrast.
She possesses an enigmatic quality that belied her four-year seniority over me; however, she never missed a chance to remind me of my youthfulness whenever our differing views clashed, using my younger age as an excuse to justify her victory in our debates, bringing up her so-called "more mature" experiences.
Overall, Rosè's forceful presence made quite an impression on me despite our limited interactions.
I and her met through a mutual friend, Jennie: she's currently back in our hometown, she's already been here last year, but couldn't, unfortunately, come back due to her soon-to-be bachelor's degree. Knowing that I would start this incredible adventure, she remembered how her friend also left for this country way earlier than me and thought that this might help the both of us, giving me Rosè's contact.
This last one welcomed me with open arms, and we passed Christmas together, as I was afraid of seeing my family happy all together through the screen of my phone, while myself being depressed and crying lonely by those four walls, also called my "new house".
As excited as I am about this next adventure, emotions are running high right now...despite feeling overwhelmed, part of me couldn't help but be curious about what could come next if I decided to reply...
"Hi Lisa, it's so wonderful to hear from you again! I'm excited about the possibility of meeting up with you here in this beautiful city. Let me know when you arrive and we can definitely plan something!"
As soon as I finish sending the message, I turn off my phone and close my eyes for a moment.
Despite feeling hesitant, deep down inside me there is an eagerness to catch up with Lisa after all this time, knowing that right now, I'm for sure judging her different lifestyle even though at that time I really didn't have a chance to get to know her well.
It has been quite challenging living in this old underground apartment for these few days, but perhaps reconnecting with an old acquaintance could be just what I need to make new connections and feel more at home in this city.
"Sorry Y/n, I won't be able to meet you today...unfortunately my boss called me again and I have to work as well today...I hope you understand..."
As I read the message from Rosè, a wave of conflicting emotions wash over me.
On one hand, my heart sinks with annoyance and frustration at yet another canceled plan due to her demanding job, but on the other hand, my rational side acknowledges that work is essential and unpredictable.
It's hard not to feel emotionally conflicted: a part of me wants to lash out in anger for being repeatedly let down by Rosè while another part sympathizes with her struggles as a busy professional.
Ultimately though, it's impossible to ignore the deep sense of hurt that comes with feeling overlooked and forgotten once again. It seems like our friendship takes second place behind everything else in her life - including work - leaving me wondering if we'll ever be able to connect on a deeper level beyond superficial pleasantries.
I'm extremely frustrated and yearn to be the center of attention in other people's lives, at least once. However, upon deeper realization, I recognize that my behavior resembles nothing more than a childish tantrum meant solely to garner some much-needed attention.
Yet another emotion hits up, excitement: it's now a couple of days later and I'm sitting in front of Lisa, for the first time after months, inside a very small local burger shop.
"Oh my god Y/n, the same goes for me! I'm also holding the same type of visa as yours, which allows us to work legally! We could start looking for a job in these next few days and maybe we could look for an apartment together for just the two of us!" She suggests, while gasping for breath and visibly fatigued, as she also explained to me the immense struggle of her daily life in her cramped 2.5 square meter apartment.
Lisa's revelation filled me with an overwhelming sense of excitement and impatience. The mere thought that we were in the same position, and our common dream might have become a reality quickly and effortlessly, was enough to make my heart race with anticipation.
The range of opposite and unique emotions coursing through me fills me with an invigorating sense of vitality.
