I am Here

Chapter 1 Oh My God

Lan Zhan is worried; no troubled is a better word. He loves Wei Ying and knows Wei Ying loves him. But ....

Lan Zhan is quieter than usual; he hasn't even dressed for the day yet. He also hasn't meditated, as is his usual behavior. He's been sitting at the table, lost in his thoughts. He looks over at Wei Ying, who is still sleeping as usual. Not surprising since they were up all night doing their every day is every day. The bed looks as if a battle has taken place there. The sheets were crumpled and half hanging off the bed. Pillows were strewn everywhere. Wei Ying is sleeping sideways, head hanging near the edge of the bed while lying on his stomach.

His beautiful hair hides his face from view. Lan Zhan wants to move the hair from his husband's face; he even reaches out his hand but stops. He is scared of what he will see underneath that silken curtain.

Last night was mainly out of control. He doesn't want to see the damage he has inflicted on his beloved Wei Ying. Lan Zhan lost all control. He became someone even he didn't recognize. Wei Ying pushed him farther and harder than ever before. Lan Zhan became truly unrestrained and untamed.

He became almost feral in his desire to claim Wei Ying. He couldn't stop himself from taking Wei Ying over and over again. No matter how much he begged and cried for him to stop and have mercy.

He couldn't stop himself !!

He is becoming a monster, and it scares him. He closes his eyes and a single tear slides down his cheek.

Silently, Wei Ying slides onto Lan Zhan's lap. He gently cups his face and whispers, "What has happened? What's wrong, my love?"

Lan Zhan tries to turn his face away, but Wei Ying won't let him. "Please look at me, Lan Zhan; you are scaring me." Lan Zhan squeezes his eyes tighter and tighter; he dares not look at Wei Ying.

"Please, Lan Zhan, what is wrong?" Wei Ying says in a cracked voice. Only because he knows his beloved is on the verge of tears does he give in and open his eyes.

Still not looking at his husband, he says barely above a whisper, "Wei Ying is hurt." Wei Ying gasps and shakes his head. "What !! No!!, It's nothing; everything will heal soon. I promise it's nothing. Please, my love," sobs Wei Ying. He grabs Lan Zhan's face again and forces him to face him, but Lan Zhan keeps his eyes down.

"Look at me." Wei Ying's voice starts to rise because he is becoming scared and panic-stricken. Lan Zhan has never acted this way before.

Softly, Lan Zhan says, "I dare not, I cannot." Slowly, Lan Zhan rises, taking Wei Ying in his arms, and gently places him back in the bed. "I will be back with bath water and medicines for you." Never looking into Wei Ying's eyes, he carefully pulls the covers over Wei Ying and kisses him on the top of his head. He then turned around, and with slow and heavy steps, he left the Jingshi.

Wei Ying is speechless, "What just happened? Why is Lan Zhan acting this way? Did he do something wrong? Did I do something wrong?"

Slowly, with shaking hands, he pushed the covers down and looked at himself. He is covered in bruises and bite marks. His thighs, chest, and arms. Everywhere. His lips are swollen and bitten; He cannot move without causing pain—the usual state of affairs in his mind.

But what has shaken him to his core is the droplets of blood scattered on their bed and on himself in places he hadn't noticed before: the sheets, pillows, clothing, and even a bloody handprint on the bed frame.

"Oh my God, what have I done!!" Chokes out, Wei Ying.

He looks towards the door and then back to himself. "Have I finally pushed him away for good?" He covers his face with his hands and begins to shake uncontrollably. "I'm truly sorry, Lan Zhan." He slowly sinks back under the covers and hides as if.