I am Here

Chapter 14 Wei Ying's Past

"I barely remember my parents. I can no longer recall their faces but I remember happiness, traveling from place to place, never staying anywhere for long. I think they loved me but I don't know for sure.

Then one day they were no more and I was alone. A small child trying to survive. I was always cold and hungry. I had to steal food when I could or make shopkeepers angry enough to throw rotten food at me. I didn't care how moldy or rotten the food was, I was starving. I also tried to fight against the wild dogs for food or a warm place to stay, I usually lost, I was bitten many times. That's why I'm so scared of dogs, they always remind me of the pain and fear I felt when they were attacking me. I don't remember how I got to Lotus Pier or how Uncle Jiang knew it was me. I was fighting with the dogs for scraps when I heard someone say my name. I stopped and I was immediately bitten. He scared the dogs away and promised me a home, a warm bed to sleep in and plenty of food. He said he knew my parents and promised to take care of me.

What could go wrong, any existence had to be better than the one I was currently living. I felt I was being saved and everything would be alright. I told myself I would be a good boy and never give him a reason to send me back to the streets. I promised him to work hard and make him proud of me. He smiled at me and we went to his home.

Little did I know that the minute I crossed that threshold my life would become a living hell, a private hell that changed my life forever. I became two people in one body just trying to survive.

The only person who truly welcomed me beside Uncle Jiang was Shijie. She became my big sister who loved me unconditionally right from the start. Jiang Cheng hated me immediately because his precious dogs were removed because of my paralyzing fear of dogs. I was to share a room with him but he threw me out and I slept outside for several days before Shijie found out and got me a smaller room near hers.

I felt no anger toward my new brother after all it was his home and not mine.

Then Uncle introduced me to Madame Yu, his wife. I had never felt such hatred before aimed at only me. I hid behind Uncle and he scolded Madame Yu, when he told her he would raise me as his son also, she narrowed her eyes and walked away. I knew I was now the enemy. It became worse when Uncle Jiang insisted I eat with the family and wear clothes as fine as the family, clearly this made her anger increase towards me. No matter how much she tried to treat me as a servant or slave, Uncle Jiang did not allow it. Being a child I had no say in the matter but she never seemed to understand that.

She began to hate me with a single mindedness that had it been anything else it would have been a credit to her. To everyone she put up a false front but privately she couldn't hurt me enough both physically and mentally,

Wei Ying stops and he reaches his hand up to stroke Lan Zhan's face. Lan Zhan is trying to be strong but he has a feeling it's about to get much worse. "My love, are you alright? Whispers Wei Ying. Lan Zhan nods since he can't trust his voice right now. "Lan Zhan, please stay strong, what I'm about to tell you I have hidden so deep I truly never wanted to tell anyone. No one knows other than the person who did these things to me and now you. Soon you will know why." Hoarsely Lan Zhan answers "I am here with you and for you. Since you are brave enough to speak, I will be brave enough to listen." "Lan Zhan I will need some Emperor's wine to get me through this" Lan Zhan reaches behind him and brings the jar out and Wei Ying takes several drinks before he feels ready to continue. Lan Zhan assures Wei Ying he has more jars if needed. So with wine in hand and sitting in his husband's lap he feels somewhat ready to continue. He closes his eyes once more and digs deeper into Lan Zhan's lap. While his eyes are closed, the place he always dreaded and hated once more comes in his mind's eye. He is paralyzed in fear and his body stiffens and a low anguished filled moan comes out of Wei Ying. Lan Zhan begins to rock Wei Ying and murmurs in his ear that he is safe and no harm will come to him. Finally after what seems like hours Wei Ying is calm enough to talk once more. While firmly gripping his husband's arms, Wei Ying begins to speak again.