𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈𝐧𝐤 | Ink Bendy x Depressed! Reader

FOURTY-ONE: Kicks

(TW: there are mentions of pregnancy and vomiting in this chapter)

I watched as my breakfast went down the drain, whimpering slightly while clutching my stomach.
It's the week after Inkus's death. Since then, the lost ones have found a different home inside the music department, with Sammy as their appointed protector now that Inkus was dead.
Mika and Daniel went back to her base, only to find it wrecked by either Jaime or Alice or the Butcher gang. Either way, no matter who did it, they're staying with us at our place.

It's been so long since we've been at our base. With the war going on, we barely were home. It's still active, it's just that Alice...disappeared. Word of her absence has spread from Drench, who spied on nearby butcher gang members. Either they speak in gibberish or those butcher gang members were speaking in English is a mystery to me; a mystery to which that doesn't matter.
After the Ink demon touched her face again, it was corrupted, as well as her neck. Because of this, she deems herself 'Unworthy in God's eyes.' Whatever that means to her.

Considering she's "unworthy", she locks herself in her room, not even coming out to eat. The butcher gang members were discussing if she were dead in there, would Jake take her position?
When Drench told me that, I felt another pang of betrayal. Why did Jake have to be on the Angel's side? Doesn't he know what she's done to us? To me?
Doesn't he care?
I thought he did. But, just like when we were kids, he's probably putting the blame on me. It's my fault for coming into this death-trap. It's my fault because I sided with the Ink Demon.
It's my fault. Never his.

He never takes ownership of his own shit. And never will. He'll always just place the blame on me, his dear old sister— who turned out to be not even his sister biologically. Yet he takes advantage of me. He takes advantage of whatever I offer.

Why?
Why have I just noticed this about him?
Why is he like this? I always thought we'd stay close, even as adults. But living in the studio made me realize just how toxic he is, and that... if we were out of here, where would we be? Him still taking advantage of me? Or does he stop? Does he ask for my forgiveness? Take ownership of what he's done?

I like to imagine a world where my brother matures, as I hurl once more into the toilet within our small bathroom closet in my room. It comforts me— a world where we get along again. We were two peas in a pod. And adding Jaime to the mix made us unstoppable. That's how close all of us were.
You'd never find Jake without his sister and her best friend following close behind.

Where did those days go?
It's days like these where I missed them. I missed feeling the sun on my back, miss seeing trees, miss feeling wind. I wish I could have the best of both worlds, but life doesn't work like that and here is where I belong; at Bendy's side.

A soft knock made my thoughts disintegrate, then footsteps. Bendy slowly came in, crouching beside me with concern written on his face, "(N/n), are you alright?"
I nodded gently.
"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. It's fine. I'm fine."
He frowned.
"Really, it's nothing. I've just got a stomach bug."

"It's been almost a month." His frown grew, "A simple stomach bug doesn't last that long."
My heart started racing. He's right, a simple stomach bug doesn't last this long. Morning sickness does though. Shaking away that thought, I forced myself to ponder on something else.

But it was hard.
Thinking— no, worrying— of a future bearing Bendy and I's child. Maybe I'd be more relaxed to the idea, maybe even excited, but the war is too dangerous. To have a child in the middle of it is just crazy. It'll endanger not only me and my child but my family; the ones I love dearly. Sammy, Mika, Daniel. The lost ones.
I can't watch anymore of them get hurt. Especially by my actions.