Sarah kept looking again at the scenery that presented itself to her. Her dream was caught on standby in front of her and she was apparently talking to a part of her subconscious. Not a day-to-day experience. She didn't know in how far this encounter was going to benefit her or if she even wanted it to happen. Maybe she had no other choice, maybe she just couldn't wake up because she herself didn't want to. It could be hours before she would wake up, or had she fallen off the bench in the kitchen in real life, hit her head stupidly, and through clumsiness sent herself into some kind of coma?
"I hate to do this" her spitting image interrupted her thoughts, "but I'll just calm you down. You're actually in complete control here, you just need to focus on the appropriate thing. So if you don't want to see the dream anymore and would rather sit in a pub instead, just close your eyes and concentrate on it. When you open them again you will find yourself, ideally us, in a pub. You can theoretically just make me disappear, just as easily you can just wake up. It's your choice what happens here." her younger self explained further.
"If I can do anything I want here, why can't I just read your mind?" asked Sarah. "Then I'll get my answers, too, won't I?"
"Um...you forgot something crucial there: How are you going to read your own mind? I am a part of you and therefore I think the same as you or I can access your or our thoughts, it is therefore not a real mind reading. And if I am only a product of your subconscious, that is, your thoughts, then how do you want to access your thoughts except by thinking of the corresponding one?" asked her opposite.
"After all, it's more complicated with me than I would have thought. If you're just a product of my thoughts, how can you help me?" the older Sarah said.
"Well, that's obvious. Ever get stuck in chains of thought? Don't say anything, I already know the answer anyway. Now just imagine you would not think the whole thing but have it in a dialogue and maybe have one or the other subconscious impulse for your further thoughts. So, so to speak, help to help yourself." explained the younger Sarah.
"Ok I can follow you or me or whoever. It's still confusing. Why do I actually appear to myself as a little smoking girl?" asked Sarah
"Simply because you wanted it that way. I could be anything, but this image has manifested. How I appear is up to you, but maybe you should just think about why I appear in this form." replied the younger Sarah
"Come to think of it, it might be related to these weird dreams. This one and the one from last night." said Sarah
"Oh yeah the one from last night was great. I had a great time. Especially during all the thoughts throughout the day." said the younger one laughing.
"So are you telling me that this is all happening because of this diaper thing?" the older one asked
"That should be obvious, right? Otherwise you wouldn't have figured it out now would you?" the younger one countered again.
"That means I'm literally arguing with myself right now about the diaper thing? Does it really move me so much that I have to have conversations with myself in my dreams right now?" asked Sarah in exasperation.
"You'll have to answer that one about moving inside yourself, but if you think about it, you're really just continuing your mind games of the day. I'll just ask you what's so bad about wearing them?" the younger girl said.
"Now that kind of sounds like you're trying to tell me something," the older one interjected.
"No. I'm not trying to give you the answer to the questions you keep asking yourself. I'm just giving you the questions right now to question yourself and your thoughts. So what about the question now." explained the younger Sarah, who continued to take periodic drags on her cigarette, seemingly knowing a cryptic meaningless answer to pretty much everything.
"There's probably nothing bad about it. Doesn't seem to do any harm either. But..."
"But what?" she interrupted her likeness.
"I don't think it goes together. So the diapers thing and my personality. On the one hand, this person who literally shits on rules and on the other hand..."
"...On the other hand, a little vulnerable girl who just wants to lie at home in her bed with diapers, bodysuit and pacifier?" the younger girl added to the older one
"Yes. That's it. It just doesn't fit. It's paradoxical, it just doesn't make sense." the older one explained.
"So you're telling me you just have a problem with it because it doesn't fit your personality? Do you actually realize how many of your "personalities" are hanging around here. Don't even guess, for one thing you won't figure it out anyway and for another you wouldn't believe me if I told you." the disciple continued.
"But it doesn't seem to add up!" the older one wailed, close to despair.
"Could it be that you are afraid?" asked the younger Sarah.
"Afraid? Scared of what?" the older Sarah asked back.
"Hmmm...I can't really answer that question for you. But I would guess now based on your thoughts over the last few hours. Fear of change? Fear of imprinting a new self-image? Afraid of changing so much that you don't recognize yourself in retrospect. Afraid of losing the self you have now? Do you care so much about him? Is the present you what you want to be? Or is it just a facade that hides the real you? Think about it." the younger me explained.
"I..." Sarah couldn't finish the sentence. The image before her eyes blurred again.
YOU ARE READING
Fateful beginning of vacations
RandomSixteen-year-old Sarah has a knack for getting into scrapes with authority figures over and over again. So it is now. Will it end well this time, as always, or not? In addition to her current problem, a momentous visit is on the horizon that will tu...
