A Lifetime Ago

Chapter 29

(21 years old - Few days after Asterdell)

It'd been a few days since Asterdell and the war was declared over, as not a burned one had been spotted since. Maybe what Rosalind said wasn't a complete lie, maybe there really were burned ones in Asterdell. But to think we were just free to go and live normal lives after all we've lost and suffered through- after all I've lost and suffered through.

I had spent the morning in town, doing something I never would have thought I might find myself doing. Getting a tattoo. Now it wasn't anything fancy or cute like you'd see Estella getting, it was simple yet meaningful. Three dots upon a ring of sorts just under the DIP on my left pointer finger. It represented all that I've lost: My mum, dad, daughter and also Saul. The ring was Saul, because of our short engagement. The dots were the lives of the family I've lost. One dot, one death.

Though that wasn't the only reason for my short trip into two. I'd received a memo that a letter was waiting for me. I wasn't sure if it was a trap or something else rather strange, as there was no direct source of information as to whom may have sent the letter. I didn't open the letter as I wanted to keep my trip as short as possible, wanting to get back to camp to keep an eye on Ben and Saul who haven't been themselves since Asterdell and also not wanting to keep the group of anxious soldiers waiting, wanting to continue our journey home.

The camp was mostly cleared out, a truck would come every few days bringing groups of soldiers back at a time, as the rest of us would travel by foot closer and closer towards Alfea, patiently waiting for our turn. After I'd come back from town we'd traveled a bit further before finally settling down and going to wait out the night and wait for the next truck to come tomorrow morning.

I'd set up my tent and had finally decided to open the letter. Inside was a small folded piece of paper that read 'not always how it seems' on the front side. Confused, I unfolded the paper. It was a photocopied part of the royal family tree. I went down the ladder and stopped when I came across a certain face I knew all too well. Underneath read Amber McLeod-Dowling, which only made certain my suspicions about the known face. Though that part of the tree died there. No other boxes connected directly to her besides that of what seemed to be her sister, and below that the one and only Queen Luna...

I quickly tucked that away and escaped my tent, needing the fresh air to clear my head. I made my way slowly around the smaller campsite - something Bronte and I used to do - trying to concentrate on nothing in particular, when I came up on our side of camp once again. Saul was around the dead firepit, the bottle in his hand probably not the first of the day with the way he's been going, but hopefully the last. Ben was nowhere to be seen, probably cooped up in his tent, trying to free his mind of the guilt and misery of the past few months.

I approached and sat beside him on the log, yet before I could say anything, he spoke first.

"Give it a rest Farah. I know you're mad." He said, not breaking his gaze from the brunt logs, and taking a sip from his bottle.

"An understatement." I replied calmly, looking over at him. "This isn't going to bring back Andreas and it certainly isn't going to reverse Asterdell." I gestured to the beer bottle in his hands.

"Not gonna bring back a lot of things, certainly numbs them though." He replied, chancing a glance in my direction before returning his gaze to the pit before us.

I, as well, kept my gaze on the burnt out fire pit. "I can't help but wonder that all this is my fault." Out of the corner of my eye I could see his attention shift towards our conversation and away from the pit. "2 years of... well whatever this is." I gestured to the camp around us. "Maybe you were right. I should've just found my own path somewhere else, and I certainly should've never listened to Rosalind when..." I trailed off, I still couldn't share my deepest sorrow, deepest regret, with the man I still loved with all my heart.