Supernova Souls - Ryan Upchurch

-30-

Trigger warning, self harm)

"Where do you wanna eat at?" Ryan asked, sort of glancing over at Delilah's hand on the truck's volume dial on the dashboard as she very carefully turned it down to a specific volume. "Don't matter to me."

"Yeah, that's a trap." He scoffed, rolling his eyes at her overly basic response he obviously knew was a lie. "Where do you wanna go?"

She leaned back in her seat and crossed her arms over her chest with a huff of annoyance. He didn't get a real response, only a quick 'let me think' while she watched the green country scenery pass by them. It felt like it had been hours before she finally responded to him. "How 'bout that pizza place down the road?"

"Why don't ya call one in and we'll go pick it up?"

She nodded and grabbed her phone from its place in her cup holder and unlocked it, smiling when she saw the picture she had set as her lock screen;her grandpa and her dad sitting on her hand-me-down Squarebody Chevy's dropped tailgate, her dad holding a tiny, preemie baby boy (Zach), and a barely teenage version of herself sitting on the ancient toolbox with her legs mid swing above the bedliner. Laying beside her was her childhood dog that passed away three years after that picture was taken, a wonderfully loving and beautiful purebred Bichon Frisé she loved with her whole heart. She opened safari on her phone and looked up the local restaurant. "What kind of pizza do you want?"

"Don't matter." He shrugged his shoulders as he smoothly went around a sharp curve in the winding road. They were taking the back way in so they wouldn't have to wait as long for their pizza, if Delilah would ever hurry up and order it. He was already going slow (if you count the speed limit as slow) and she still hadn't called and placed an order yet. "How 'bout a pepperoni pizza?"

She nodded and pressed call on her phone. "Whatcha want to drink with it?"

"Coke."

"Okay." She held the phone up to her ear and Ryan paused the song on the radio for her while she ordered. "A large pepperoni pizza, one large Coke and one large Dr Pepper, please. Uh.. yeah, pick up. Thanks."

Carelessly she dropped her phone back into the cup holder and slumped down into the seat. She reached over and pressed the heated seat button, and let her head fall back against the headrest and her eyes fluttered closed. A headache was forming behind her eyes, one she knew would only get worse as the day progressed.

—
45 minutes later

The radio played softly in the background, the humming of the truck's tires synchronized with the song playing. Delilah was slumped over in the passenger seat with her head in her palm, elbow on the center console, asleep. A worn out blanket she'd pulled out from underneath the backseat was draped over her to keep her warm. The only uncovered parts of her was her sock clad feet hanging off the seat, her head, neck, one hand she had extended over the center console towards Ryan's, and obviously the arm she was using to hold her head up. She had asked him, although she was nervous, if she could hold his hand, just until they got to his pond. Of course, he said yes.

As he drove, he couldn't help but occasionally look over at the passed out girl in the passenger seat and then down at their intertwined fingers. Her hand was cold as ice and his hand felt like fire against hers. It felt foreign holding her hand too, especially with the unfamiliar cool metal of her grandmother's ring on her middle finger pressing against his palm. Last time he or one of his girlfriends wore a ring it didn't end well, and it didn't help that the ring on her finger reminded him of one that used to be on his ex girlfriend's hand.

She clutched his hand in her sleep and held onto him as tight as she could. A faint whimper slipped past her lips and she dug her short nails into her cheek like she was scratching at something on her face. Yet, judging by the whimper, whatever she was scratching at hurt.

"No.." her voice trembled when she whispered, and soon trailed off into nothing. "no, please."

She twitched and tugged her arm away from Ryan's, pulling her hand away and ripping her fingers from their former place intertwined with his. "no, stop-" her voice was small when she spoke those two simple words.

Maybe it's just a nightmare?

Soon, she whimpered again and reached back out for his hand that he'd let rest on his leg. She tightened her shitty grip on the top of his hand and dug her nails into the skin there, her shaky hand trying to regain its former comfy spot beneath his. She left little crescent moon shaped indents on the top of his hand from her nails, but he didn't mind.

Ryan took her hand back in his and intertwined their fingers again and squeezed her hand and glanced over at her while he turned onto the dirt road that led to his pond. "Delilah?" No response. "Dee?"

She stirred and yawned. "Huh?" Her semi-raspy, sleep filled voice was a little above a whisper and he almost didn't hear her. "We're almost there."

"Okay." She nodded. He let go of her hand and she rubbed her eyes while she sat up straight in her seat. "How'd we get here so fast?"

"We were like five miles away, how wouldn't we get here fast?"

She glared at Ryan for a second. If you didn't go 65 in a 55 it wouldn't take two damn minutes to get here, moron.

Her eyes drifted down to her hands in her blanket covered lap. Underneath her short nails was a small amount of her concealer she'd apparently scratched off her face. Her heart sank at the sight- and when the realization of her nightmare set in.

"You okay?" Ryan asked. He knew something was off, he just didn't know exactly what.

In a daze, she stared down at her short nails for an excruciatingly long minute before she realized she was literally the only other person inside the cab he could possibly talk to. "Me?"

"Yes, you. Who else would I ask?"

"Oh, I dunno, one of your beloved ghosts?" She threw up one hand in defeat before letting it drop back into her lap. "But I'm fine."

"No y'ain't."

"And how do you know? I think since I'm me I think I'd know if I'm fine or not."

"You're.. off."

"Excuse me for falling asleep then, damn,"

"It ain't that," he paused after oh so nicely interrupting her sentence, trying to figure out how to word this without sounding stupid or like an over observant crackhead. "I don't know, when you's asleep you kept sayin' shit and you wouldn't let go of my hand, and when you did ten seconds later you clawed the living shit out of my hand trying to get me to hold your hand again."

With her eyes still glued to her now dirty nails, she sighed. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

"For what?"

"This. All of it, making you come with me, deal with a kitten and Colt.. the entire day backfired and blew up in my face." She turned her hand over, palm facing down on her blanket covered thigh and dug her nails into the fabric. Right beneath that fabric and caked on concealer was a still healing cut that sank deep into her skin. The only difference was that cut wasn't inflicted by Colt, nor anybody else- she had done it. At the time she didn't know what came over her, or why she did it.

You can only take it for so long.

"..'Lilah?" The humming of the tires slowed to a stop and out of the corner of her eye she could see Ryan shifting her truck into park next to what she could only assume was the pond. "C'mon, we're here." She didn't respond, so he tapped her shoulder. "Delilah."

Confused, she looked up at him. "What?"

"We're here."