What I Should Have Said

9

"What do you mean Eleanor?!" Elizabeth heard her father's voice shout. She quickly woke up confused and snuck out of her room. She quietly approached down the hall and saw the kitchen light on.

"You can't do this! Don't you dare hang-" He shouted," Eleanor!? Eleanor!"

She heard a loud crashing noise and ran back to her room. She was worried and had no idea what was happening but she knew it wasn't good.

---

Weeks passed and things seemed to be getting worse. Her father started drinking. It wasn't abnormal behavior, he always drank, but never this much. Her mother still wasn't home and her dad wouldn't tell her anything and sometimes he was unconscious from the drinking that she couldn't even ask.

She still tended to the garden alone. She had to start caring for herself and her dad. He wasn't a violent drunk, but he was a sad one. Some days he just spent laying in silence and didn't eat so it was Elizabeth who did what she could just to keep him alive most days when he didn't have the will to.

She was doing her summer reading in the living room when her dad entered. Every time she saw him it looked like someone had sucked the soul out of him in bits. He set down his things and walked over to his liquor cart.

"Hey kiddo." He sighed and unscrewed the bottle of whiskey. Elizabeth quietly watched him as he poured himself a glass,"Dad..."

"Hm?" He asked.

"I don't think you should be drinking..."

"It's just one drink kiddo don't worry." He replied and took a sip of his whiskey.

"It's never just one drink, dad."

He sighed and sat down on the couch.

"Dad, what's wrong?"

"What's wrong is this needs ice." He said sipping his drink.

"Dad."

"What Betty?" He sighed.

"Where's mom?" She asked. He stayed silent and swished his drink around slightly. "Dad."

"She's gone." He replied, unable to look his daughter in the eye. "Where?" She asked. "She's just gone, Betty. She left, okay?" He repeated. Elizabeth looked at him in disbelief and scoffed, "What do you mean she left? Mom wouldn't leave."

He silently looked over at his daughter. They stared at one another in silence. It took a moment but she realized it from her father's expression and silence.

Her mother was really gone.

---

Summer was almost coming to an end and it had been hard. Her father was in a horrible state and she was on her own. She didn't know how to feel anymore. It didn't make sense.

Why would her mother leave? She knew her parent's marriage wasn't perfect and maybe they were holding by a thread...but it didn't make sense why her mother would just leave. Especially leave her.

She didn't know if she was sad and wanted to break down. She didn't know if she was angry and wanted to scream. She just knew she felt something, it just hadn't hit her yet. She even stopped tending the garden because it became too painful of a reminder.

She heard the loud noise of a truck coming from outside. She peeked out the window and saw a moving truck in front of Taylor's house and movers carrying out furniture and boxes.

"What...?" Elizabeth mumbled and watched from the window. Taylor was moving? She had been gone all summer and now she was moving? She never mentioned a thing. But of course she didn't, they had stopped talking after what happened at the dance.

This felt like the final straw. As if losing her mother wasn't enough. Now she was losing her best friend too. She saw her father's car approaching home. He entered and set his things down.

"Dad, are they moving?" Elizabeth immediately asked.

"Who?" He asked.

"Taylor and her family."

"Oh, yeah. I talked to Scott this morning, he said they found a place in Nashville and they want to get moved over there before the new school year starts." He explained.

"Nashville? But...that's far." Elizabeth frowned. She always knew Taylor wanted to move out there to pursue her music dream but now it was all becoming too real. She was leaving. She never actually expected it to happen...at least not when they were this young.

She expected them to graduate together and that Taylor would run off and chase her dream. Now she really was, without her.

"It's their choice." He shrugged.

"Is Taylor there?" She asked.

He shook his head, " Sorry kiddo, just Scott. Everyone else is still in Nashville."

It was all hitting her now. It was all becoming overwhelming. It felt like everything was falling apart.

Her mother was gone.

Taylor was gone.

Everything was gone.