What I Should Have Said

34

Elizabeth cautiously approached the bar. She looked around hoping no one was paying her any attention. "Hey." Taylor said as Elizabeth approached. She grabbed Taylor by the arm and dragged her out of the party. She made sure no one saw them as she dragged her out of the building. "Hey! Easy!" Taylor shouted as Elizabeth let go of her arm and glared. "What the hell are you doing here? How the hell did you even know I was here?" Elizabeth glared.

Taylor showed the invitation in her hand, "Found this on your desk when I went to see you."

Elizabeth snatched the invitation out of her hand and tossed it off, "Now you're stalking me?" She glared.

"I wouldn't have to if you just listened to me for once!" Taylor shouted.

"What the hell do you want from me, Taylor?!" Elizabeth glared.

"I want you!" Taylor shouted. Elizabeth stayed silent. "Betty I know you probably have every right to be mad at me for leaving and never saying goodbye. You're right I was an asshole for doing that to you. But I do love you."

"No, you don't." Elizabeth replied.

Taylor took out the small stack of letters she had addressed and written to Elizabeth. "You wanted a damn letter? I wrote 20 of them!" Elizabeth silently listened and stared at the stack of letters in her hand," I wrote one every year on your birthday about how much I missed you. How much I love you. How much I needed you. But I was never brave enough to send the goddamn things."

"What do you want from me..." Elizabeth quietly replied.

"I want you to stop being afraid. I know you don't love him. Betty, there wasn't a day you weren't on my mind. I couldn't love anyone after you because they weren't you. I thought I lost you. But I got another chance to have you again. WE got another chance at us again." Taylor replied.

Elizabeth stayed silent and approached the door. "When are you going to stop pushing away everyone who loves you away!?" Taylor shouted. Elizabeth turned to look at her, "Why would I allow the people who hurt me to disappoint me again?"

"I never intended to hurt you. I love you." Taylor replied.

"I...I don't know if I believe you." Elizabeth replied.

Taylor got down on one knee and pulled out a small box. "What are you doing?" Elizabeth asked looking around concerned. She opened the box to reveal a moonstone engagement ring. Elizabeth stared down at the ring in awe and admired the way the light reflected off of it. " I'm on my knee..." Taylor set down her other knee and looked up at Elizabeth, " I'm on my knees...telling you that I can't imagine loving anyone else but you. As crazy as it sounds I fell in love with you the moment I laid eyes on you and the day your lips first touched mine...I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I know you're scared and I am too, I know I don't show it but I'm terrified."

Elizabeth's eyes began to well up with tears."But I look at you and I know I would be willing to risk everything if it meant I would finally have you. As long as it means I wake up and you're the first face I see in the morning. You're the arms I come home to. You're the laugh that echoes through my mind. The smile that brightens my day and reminds me that everything will be okay. And I'll be your peace, I'll be the arms you could finally fall into when you're tired and falling apart and need someone to help put you back together so you don't have to do it alone anymore. Let me finally be your peace." Taylor continued.

Elizabeth felt her heart racing, her tears began to blur her vision as she tried her hardest to hold them back.

"Marry me." Taylor begged tears slightly formed her in her eyes. Her hands were shaking as she waited for Elizabeth to respond.

Elizabeth gave no response and rushed back into the party. Taylor's hands fell limp as she watched Elizabeth leave her with no response. She felt like she was 12 again. Telling Elizabeth she loved her, only for her to turn her back once again and leave her heartbroken. She looked down at the ring in her hand. tears slipped down her cheeks and down onto the pavement. She stood up and took a deep breath, wiped away her tears, shut the box, and walked away.

--

Elizabeth slowly made her way back into the party. The loud music filled the room. A pounding heart racing filled her head, She felt her body growing warm. She wandered off into the middle of the room, everything seemed like it was spiraling out of control. She looked around and saw people laughing and drinking. She felt the panic set in. The heart-pounding suddenly became louder, and she began to hyperventilate. Her hands anxiously gripped at her dress.

"Elizabeth!" She heard some voices shout. She wasn't sure if someone was calling her or if it was all in her head.

"Betty." She heard the sound of her mother's voice and looked around the room in a panic. But no one was there.

"Betty." She heard Alex's voice and looked around. But she didn't see him.

"Betty." She heard Taylor's voice. But she wasn't there.

"Betty..." She heard her father's voice and froze. Suddenly the sound of a heart pounding became slower. She looked around the room barely able to breathe.

"Betty...I love you." She heard her father's voice say once more. The heart-pounding suddenly stopped and all she heard was a slight ringing in her ears. She slowly made her way back out of the room trying to catch her breath and calm down. She wandered out of the building and took deep breaths of the fresh air.

She felt her phone buzzing in her clutch purse and took it out to answer. "Yes?" She asked. "Betty...It's your dad." A woman's voice came through. Elizabeth froze and stared down at the chrysanthemums from earlier. The woman's voice slowly became nothing but inaudible blurbs. Elizabeth kicked off her shoes and immediately ran off to find the nearest bus stop.