What I Should Have Said

36

Elizabeth made her way to Nashville to look for Taylor. Andrea had told her Taylor was in town and she took the opportunity to try and find her.

--
"I don't understand the point of this game." Taylor sighed and stared at the cards in her hands. "It's easy." Andrea smiled. "Easy for you, you've been the one winning mom." Taylor replied. "Then what else can we play?" Andrea asked.

There was a knock at the front door. "Did you invite someone?" Taylor asked. Andrea shook her head. "No." She lied. Taylor cautiously stood up and made her way to the door. Andrea smiled to herself as Taylor left the room.

Taylor opened the door and saw Elizabeth. "What are you doing here?!" Taylor asked shutting the door behind her. "I came to find you." Elizabeth sighed.

"Betty..." Taylor sighed.

"Taylor my dad passed away and..." Elizabeth replied her eyes slowly starting to form tears," It made me realize things I didn't understand before. You asked me why I push everyone away. I pushed everyone away because I thought I was protecting myself. I pushed my own father away. I was awful to him yet he still smiled and told me he loved me...now he's gone and I'll never get to tell him I'm sorry and that I love him too. I never even gave him a chance to make it up to me because I was so angry at everyone. Then my mind goes back to you...I pushed you away...you told me you loved me and I never had to courage to say the same to you that night and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you away, I shouldn't have invalidated your feelings. What I should have said was...I love you. I'm here and I'm telling you...I love you because I don't want to risk losing you and regret never having told you that I loved you all because I was scared. I don't want my fears to be the reason I never gave us a fair chance and I don't want to spend the rest of my life regretting it."

"Betty..." Taylor quietly replied.

"My mom told me that it was wrong...that it was dangerous. So I was always so afraid. But I realized I was more afraid of losing you. I love you, and if the offer is still there...I would marry you in a heartbeat." Elizabeth tearfully spoke.

Taylor stayed silent for a moment and gathered her thoughts. "I'm sorry...but I don't know if it's what I want anymore. I don't think I can handle another heartbreak." Taylor quietly replied and was ready to go back inside.

"Taylor please..." Elizabeth said. Taylor's hand gripped the door knob. "I love you."

Taylor held back tears and stayed silent as she entered the house and gave Elizabeth no response.

Elizabeth stood in front of the house staring at the front door with a heavy heart. She wondered if this is what Taylor must have felt all those years ago. It was an awful feeling. Loving someone so much that it almost kills you to let them go and watch them leave.

--

Elizabeth was an emotional mess for weeks. She fell into a deep depression. It felt like everything was truly gone this time around. Her father was gone and Taylor was gone. Alex was the only person keeping her sane.

He stayed by her side and helped her. She didn't have the energy or will to try anymore. So he looked after her and made sure she ate and had everything she needed. He had every opportunity to leave but he chose to stay.

Elizabeth lay in the darkness of her bedroom staring up at the ceiling. Alex knocked and peeked into the room, "Everything is set for the funeral, they just need to know if there's a suit or anything you want to pick out for him to wear."

Elizabeth looked over at him. "Yeah I'll find something." She sighed. "Alright. I'll let them know." Alex replied. "Alex." Elizabeth replied before he shut the door. He peeked back into the room, "Yes?"

"Can you come lay down with me?" She asked. "Why?" He questioned. "Please." She sighed. He didn't argue and did as she asked. He climbed into bed with her and she quickly cuddled into his arms. He faintly smiled and held her. They lay in silence staring up at the ceiling together. "Thank you." Elizabeth softly spoke breaking the silence.

"For what?" Alex asked.

"For staying. It's always easy for someone to leave but it's never easy for someone to stay. You didn't have to yet you still did." Elizabeth replied.

He faintly smiled and rubbed her arm, "Don't worry about it."

There was a brief silence between them. "You would've been an amazing dad." She replied. He looked at her confused. "What?" She slowly sat up and sighed. He watched her and waited for a response. "I found out I was pregnant a few months ago." She replied. His eyes widened and he quickly sat up, "And you didn't tell me? When did this happen?" He asked.

"It was a few weeks after that night I came back from dinner and we..." She trailed off. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asked. Her eyes began to well up with tears as she looked over at him, "Because I lost it early on." Her voice slightly cracked. Alex looked away in disbelief trying to process the information. "I wish I didn't have to tell you this way. I just thought keeping it to myself would be better, it wasn't. Then I thought about how you've been so attentive and caring after me these past few weeks and it all came back to me." She explained. She looked over at Alex who remained silent and still tried to process everything. "Alex?" She asked.

"I...I'm going to need some time."He quietly replied and left the room.

She sat alone in silence. She had a brief time to grieve a long time ago, but even then she felt numb over the loss. She hated to admit she was secretly relieved when it happened. Her sadness over the matter was for Alex, she knew he always had dreams of being a father and he would've been an amazing one. But he deserved to have the family he always wanted with the wife he always wanted, Elizabeth may have been what he wanted but she wasn't what he needed. Elizabeth saw it as a sick twisted godsend for the both of them.

What life would the kid have if it ever had to suffer the same fate she once did?

She didn't want to be her mother.

She wasn't going to be her mother.