What I Should Have Said

21

It had been a month since Taylor was last in Pennsylvania. Elizabeth wasn't answering her calls anymore. She tried to get a hold of her every day but it was always sent to voicemail. She was in Nashville, it was the only place that made her feel sane as she worried about what went wrong. Abigail was over at her apartment helping her sort through her closet. "How old is some of this?" Abigail asked looking through Taylor's old yearbooks. "The years are on them aren't they?" Taylor asked. "Were these back from when you lived in Pennsylvania?" Abigail asked.

"Yup." Taylor sighed.

"So I'm guessing Betty is in one of these?" Abigail asked.

Taylor stayed silent and looked through her old things. She came across a stack of old letters and stared down at them in silence. "What's that?" Abigail asked.

"They're all the letters I wrote Betty." Taylor quietly replied.

"The ones she sent you back you mean?" Abigail asked.

"The ones I never had the courage to send." She sighed. Abigail took the stack of letters out of her hand and looked down and unstamped the stack of envelopes, "Why did you never send these?"

"I don't know. I wrote one every year when her birthday came around." Taylor replied.

"Why didn't you give her these when you saw her?" Abigail questioned.

"I forgot about them." Taylor sighed.

"I think this is a sign..." Abigail said as she handed the stack back to Taylor. "She won't even answer my phone calls." Taylor sighed. "Maybe she will." Abigail shrugged and continued to look through the box. Taylor stared down at the envelopes in her hand and silently stood up to go into the other room. Abigail smiled to herself and continued to look through Taylor's old things.

Taylor made another attempt to call Elizabeth and hoped she would finally answer. "Hello?" A voice asked. "Betty?" Taylor asked, a smile appearing on her face as she heard the familiar voice through the phone. "Taylor." She sighed. " I know you're probably upset with me after how our last conversation ended but I need to tell you-" Taylor said as Elizabeth cut her off, "Taylor I'm getting married."

Taylor's smile slowly fell, "What?"

"Alex proposed...I said yes. We're getting married. I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore." Elizabeth replied and hung up. Taylor stood in silence and disbelief. "What's going on?" Abigail asked. "I can't believe you talked me into doing this." Taylor mumbled and threw the stack of envelopes across the room and stormed off to her bedroom. Abigail looked confused and heard the bedroom door slam shut. She quickly made her way to her best friend's bedroom and entered to see her laying in bed with her face buried into the pillows silently sobbing.

"Tay?" Abigail softly asked as she approached the bed.

"Go away." Taylor mumbled against the pillows.

"Taylor, what happened?" Abigail asked.

She looked over at her friend, tears streaming down her face. "She's marrying him."

"What?" Abigail asked surprised.

"She said she's marrying him and that she can't do this anymore. She's really gone." Taylor sniffled. Abigail climbed into bed alongside her and held her in a tight embrace as Taylor sobbed in her arms. "I thought you said everything went well last time? What happened?" Abigail asked.

"She keeps trying to tell herself it's nothing. That we were nothing. Abigail, she kissed me. She was the one who kissed me when we were 12 and camping out in my backyard. She was the one who kissed me when we were at the house together, she slept with me for fucks sake." Taylor vented.

"Then why are you here?" Abigail asked.

"What?" Taylor looked at her confused.

"Why are you just going to let her go?" Abigail asked.

"She always pushes me away! she keeps telling herself it's wrong but proceeds to kiss me anyways." Taylor argued.

"She's probably scared and confused. You're going to stand by and let yet another man take her from you?" Abigail questioned. Taylor stayed silent and thought for a moment. She didn't want to go and be let down by Elizabeth choosing him over her. But she didn't want to risk losing her either.

"What if I do all I can and it's still not enough?" Taylor asked.

"Then you know where you stand and you learn to let her go. I know it won't be easy, but it might be for the best." Abigail replied.