For Every Missing Shade

Entry 29

I woke up with her in my arms. She rustled in bed and pulled the covers over her bare chest. The morning light showed through the closed curtains.

I thought back to everything that happened the night before. It wasn't awkward, but it was something like it. It was silent. I almost considered stopping to go put some music on. I mean, don't get me wrong, it felt great, but there was no crazy positions, no screaming each other's name, or anything else. It was intimate, slow, and, like countless people said after their first time, the sex itself only took a few minutes.

I didn't know what she thought. I didn't want her to think it was too quick or too calm. Maybe she wanted fireworks, maybe she wanted crazy stuff to happen. I knew she wasn't a virgin, but I didn't know how much she had done.

I looked at her and kissed her lips again. "Well, that was kinda fun I guess."

"You asshole, that was romantic and serious," she said, taken aback.

I looked at her quizzically but then she cracked a smile. "Joking," she said. "Well, not about it being romantic and serious, but on top of the romanticness and seriousness, yeah it was definitely fun."

"Even for the first time? I mean, I know I couldn't have been some sort of playboy who did everything right."

She laughed. "Don't worry, you were perfect. And I don't want you to think I'm like a Master of Sex myself. Before you there was only a few times with a guy named Harry. He was president of the theatre club," she said with purposeful sophistication.

I drew a smile. "Huh. I think I'm jealous of Harry."

"Don't be," she said. "Every time was in his parent's basement and they kept walking down to 'check on us,'" she said, making air quotes with her fingers. "So we waited until we heard them go to bed to try it out. The entire time it happened, we were afraid of getting caught so it was painfully hesitant and not romantic at all."

I pumped my fist in the air. "Take that Harry, you sad momma's boy."

She pushed my hand down and pulled it around her neck. "Yes, you win. I'm sure Harry can feel the defeat wash over him."

I kissed her forehead and slipped out of bed. She watched as I put on the same khakis I took off the night before and walked out of the room.

I got out a pan from a cupboard and a carton of eggs out of the refrigerator. I started frying them before she walked out of the room as well wearing my largest shirt over her bra and underwear.

"I definitely see why girls do this, it's amazing," she said, swinging around the enormous sleeves.

"It suits you," I responded. "You should keep it."

I flipped the eggs and listened to them sizzle and crack on the frying pan. I put on slow music.

"We need to leave today," she mentioned.

"When do we need to be out?" I asked.

"Around noon," she responded. "And, I'll even let you in on the next place. It's Denver."

"Why are you suddenly letting me in on the plan?"

"You deserve at least a little bit of it, I guess. And so you can be prepared for why we're going," she said. "My parents are going to meet us there."

"They're going to Denver?"

"Yeah, remember that deal I had to have with them? They get to stop by every three days to see me. We're going out to lunch and then I'll be spending the rest of the day with them while you're exiled to our apartment."

"Hm, well maybe I'll find something fun to do," I said as I got out the plates and slid the eggs onto them.

We ate our eggs to the hum of mid-2000's soft pop in the background and packed up afterward.

It was weird being back in the same room as last night. I thought back to what happened not even twelve hours before.

"We should get going," she said.

We packed up our clothes, washed all of the dishes, and loaded up the car. She snapped a couple of pictures of the cabin, the view outside, and she stole a partly-used candle with an Elkhorn candlestick.

She said she wanted a couple of moments alone inside the cabin, so I warmed up the car and chose the first couple of songs for our drive.

She got in the car carefully, hiding the redness lingering around her eyes and nose.

Once she got in the car, we drove the two hours to Denver where I sat in a downtown apartment watching movies while she spent the night with her parents. I called my parents, washed my clothes, and stared out the window towards the mountains we left from.

I didn't know what to do with myself, but after thinking about a hundred things I could be doing in Denver, I realized that the one thing I wanted to do was go to sleep.

So I did.