Fear and childhood were two words that went hand-in-hand for me. At any point in time, there was at least one thing I was afraid of. If I was away from home, I had separation anxiety. If it was night time, I was afraid of the dark. There was no limit to what would make me lose my shit. I would sleep in my parent's bed when there were thunderstorms, I would stay up for hours if I felt nauseous, and, for a brief stint of time, I was terrified of ostriches.
I'm not trying to say that my childhood was at all unpleasant. I had a wonderful life as a kid. I was happy, but just particularly prone to freaking out.
The thing I realized, though, was that as I got older, I got over many of my fears. For example, I realized that it was useless to be afraid of ostriches when I lived in a suburb of Denver.
I also replaced fears with more pressing things. My separation anxiety eventually went away because I had more important things to do than stay at home. I had school to go to, friends to see, and things to get done.
But, there were also more reasonable things to be afraid of that I opted for instead. There was gun violence, failing out of school, or getting into a car accident.
Oddly enough, one thing I never became afraid of was love.
When I think about it, it doesn't make any sense. I was terrified of thunderstorms harming me, but love has caused me more pain and suffering than storms ever have. I can't think of anything more reasonable to fear than that four-letter word. My life has been torn apart by love while my other fears haven't hurt me at all.
There are a lot of dangerous things on Earth. There always will be. I've never been robbed, shot at, or forced to run out of a building on fire. But I've been torn apart by love. And yet, time after time, I run back to it.
The world has always been filled by ostriches, thunderstorms, love, and other dangerous things. But I would bet that love, either directly or indirectly, causes more pain than almost anything else known to man.
But now that she's gone, I finally understand why I'm not afraid. If I were to get gored by an ostrich or struck by lightning, the injury wouldn't be worth it. But love is worth it. Being hurt because of love is something worth singing about. It's a mix of every wonderful and horrible thing all at once. And that's what makes it worth uncovering.
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For Every Missing Shade
Teen FictionIsrael Taylor knows the world is a mess. In fact, it's all he can think about. As an avid artist, he imagines life as a black-and-white landscape, waiting to be painted. He uses a metaphor of color to describe everything he wishes the world was, but...
