For Every Missing Shade

Entry 30

It's been a day since we left Denver. The goodbyes were long and labored which was understandable. I saw what they were feeling, but of course I'd never understand it. They were letting their only daughter leave them when they were fully aware of how much time was being taken away from them.

We were in the car for hours on an interstate headed west and turned for a couple of hours more onto an interstate headed south. Lush pines turned to prairies, then to arid cliffs. We crossed from Colorado to Utah, and then from Utah to Arizona. A little past the border to Arizona was where she told me to get off of the interstate.

We parked in a lot of a pueblo-style motel and got our keys to the room. The inside was decorated with various Southwestern America-ish decorations including a patterned rug, paintings of coyotes, and walls that were colored tan and pale orange.

We were both tired from the emotion and pressure of seeing her parents again, so we turned on a movie and fell into each other's relaxed embrace. With each minute of the film that passed, my eyelids fell further towards closing. I jerked myself awake a couple of times to make sure I didn't fall asleep on Emma, but then I realized that she already was asleep. I turned off the TV, shuffled the covers on top of us both, and closed my eyes.

--

I woke up to Emma on the bridge. I still had ash on my jacket, but I felt much lighter than before. She was holding my hand trying to explain everything.

"I need to take you to the other side," she explained.

"The other side of what?" I asked.

"Of the bridge. Where they can't get to you," Emma said, pointing to the people behind me.

The mob of ash-covered people gathered at the edge of the bridge. They all reached for me, begged for me, but they weren't walking over the barrier towards me.

"Why can't they come get me?" I asked.

"They can, but they won't. There's nothing stopping them, but they just don't want to leave the place they have. They think that once they leave, they're going to miss something."

I looked to the other side of the bridge. "What's over on the other side anyway?" I asked.

"It's where you belong, and I'm going to take you there," she responded. "But we have to go now, I've seen too many people become hesitant."

"Well, what happens if I stay here?"

"Look at them," she said, pointing to the grey people. "You know what's over there, and even though it's not pretty, it's comfortable. Once you keep that grey outfit and stay with them, they'll make you think you made the right choice. To them, there is going to be a day where living in that colorless world is going to be worth it, but I promise you that it won't."

I started looking at where I left from. She was right, it did look oddly comforting. And, they obviously wanted me.

It was an odd feeling - being desired.

She put her hand on my shoulder. "You just have to trust me," she said. I took one last look back as I took her hand.

As we got further away, more people crowded around the bridge and yelled for me to come back, how something was going to happen, and that it was all going to be worth it. The voices got louder and more desperate. I couldn't figure out why they wanted me so bad. It was as if me leaving hurt them.

"Look, this is all going to be better. You just have to trust me. We're almost there," said Emma.

I nodded and let their voices wash away. Eventually, the smoke began to clear. I saw a faint green come through the wall of grey right as the voices behind me went silent.

"Here is where you belong," she said. "You belong in a world of color, not black and white," she explained.

Once we got close enough, I could see it. It was a forest, bursting with life. Everything about it was lively. It was exactly as I had always imagined it. There were fewer people, yes, but they smiled when they saw me.

A sensation of intense joy ripped through every part of me. The last of the grey washed from me as I passed over the threshold and into their world.

I was happy. I was alive.

I felt, for the first time in a long time, like I was in a place I could call home.