For Every Missing Shade

Entry 32

I parked my car outside a small ranch home in a beat-down Phoenix suburb. The grass was overgrown and just about every inch of the house could have used a new paint job. The blinds were haphazard, the windows were dirty, and the front stoop held what looked like a botched gardening job that someone chucked at the doorstep.

"Am I allowed to know where we are now?" I asked. She had been quiet all morning. I didn't know if she was nervous or scared, but she seemed uneasy.

She was looking at the house with glazed-over eyes, her skin growing pale.

"What?" she asked as she snapped out of her trance. "Oh, yeah you can know. But this is another one of those things I'm going to have to do by myself. Don't worry, though, I bought you tickets for the aquarium so you can be entertained."

"Okay, noted." I was only getting more confused the more she talked. "So... what is it?"

She took another deep breath and looked at the front door. I could feel her stare connect with something, or at least furiously try to.

"My mom lives here," she said plainly.

My jaw dropped. "Your mom?"

"Like, my real mom."

"Does she know you're coming?"

"No," she responded. "I don't even think she still knows I'm alive. It took me about a week straight of research and looking to find her. Could only find a name and address, not a phone number."

"Do you think you're ready?" I asked.

"Only one way to figure out," she said as she unbuckled her seatbelt.

She took one last deep breath, opened the car door, and slowly stepped out. I watched her walk up to the door, hesitate for a couple of seconds, and then knock.

I waited with held breath as more time passed since she knocked. She was about to knock again before someone finally answered.

The door creaked open just enough to see a frail woman peering through the small crack. I couldn't see much of her other than wisps of graying hair and the sunken bags under her eyes. Her cheeks looked hollow, but I could see Emma in her. Deep down, in her bone structure and bright blue eyes, Emma was in her.

I tried to read Emma's body language as she talked. Her monologue seemed to last for a while. About halfway through, her mom put her hand up to her mouth and began crying. Emma's shoulders started shaking, but she kept talking. Eventually, her mom swung the door open and cradled her in a strong embrace. Her thin arms grabbed Emma's shirt on the back as she led her through the door.

I sat there for a while longer, thinking. Thinking about what they're talking about, what her mom was saying to Emma, and what Emma was saying back.

Eventually I took the car back out of park, typed in the address to the aquarium, and left.