For Every Missing Shade

Entry 33

"Hello?" I asked as I wandered through the saltwater exhibit.

I heard faraway laughing in the background. "Hey Israel," she said, "I'll be ready to be picked up in fifteen, is that okay?"

"Uh, yeah of course. How did it go?"

"I'll tell you all about it when you get back."

"Okay, sounds good," I said with a smile on my face. "Can't wait to see ya again."

"Same here. I'll talk to you in a bit."

She hung up the phone and I quickly found the exit.

I pulled up to the same curb early, but Emma was waiting at the door for me. She waved a last goodbye to her mom and gave her a hug. She had a soft smile on her face as she climbed into the shotgun seat.

"I'm assuming it went well?" I asked.

"Yeah, it did. It went really well," she replied. "After the first ten minutes, which were extremely emotional, we told stories about what's been going on for the past eighteen years. She talked about how much it hurt to have her only child taken, but that she didn't have much of a say in it. She said the daycare noticed how thin I was getting and got concerned. My mom was addicted to almost every type of drug at the time, so she didn't listen to them. Eventually, they called Child Protective Services.

"They held a trial and my mom didn't have much of a case to keep me. She wasn't married to my dad, he wasn't even there for the birth. So she was single, addicted to drugs, and unemployed. That made her a prime candidate for CPS to take me away.

"After they came to take me, though, she immediately put herself into therapy. She checked herself into a hospital and they transferred her to a rehab center. After she got clean, she tried a couple of times to get me back. But then she relapsed after she had periods of psychosis because of the withdrawals. She almost went to court one time for me, but apparently I never got to know about it. She was still a single woman with barely enough money for herself, and with a pretty terrible rap sheet. She was a textbook case for someone who shouldn't have a child."

I looked back at the house. If I was being objective about it all, I wouldn't think a child belonged in there either.

"And so what happened to your dad?" I asked, carefully choosing my questions.

"I couldn't find him when I was trying to find my mom, but she gave me a lot of closure on him. She said he was kind of around during the pregnancy, but he was in a very similar situation to my mom. He was a one-night-stand that turned into a lot more, and when my mom asked a lot of him he got distant.

"It all culminated in a big mess where he left his apartment, changed his phone number, and moved away. She said he was involved in the drug trade, so she wouldn't be surprised if he was dead or in jail at this point."

"Oh Emma, I'm so sorry about that."

"Don't be. I mean, yeah, it would have been cool to see my dad, but I've imagined and made peace with really any scenario that could be possible with my real parents, soI was prepared for it."

I nodded my head. "Well, what was she like? I mean, she gave birth to you so I could only imagine."

"Oh my gosh, we're exactly the same. She's super spontaneous, funny, kind, and light-hearted, and she has some wild stories from when she was my age."

"Did you just use your mom to compliment yourself?"

"Yes I did, and the best part is that if you try to contradict any of it, I'll slap you. I'm on the adrenaline high of a lifetime right now so don't think I won't do it."